Whether to deduct DDs from voluntary CM

It is less than 25% differential. It relates to the fact i get a quarterly bonus which was considerably less over the last 12 months than the previous year and is likely to get worse. So it looks like I will be measured on the previous years much higher pay, and no consideration for the fact that I get a quarterly bonus which can be much lower or not at all - not a good situation.

But, I have my last pay slip for last year which un-equivocally shows what I was paid for last year so I will call CMS this morning and see what I can do if anything.

If there is little left on the mortgage, and you are not living there, why not contact lender and arrange a payment holiday? If there is plenty of equity there wont be a problem.

Use the money this saves to pay for car so you have paid 50% and tell the HP company to collect it.

If you let her drive it round for a few more months what condition will it be in? What if she damages it or writes it off? Have you got GAP insurance? It is a liability to you while someone else is driving the vehicle.

I will consider that. Will call the finance company and discuss.

Just feel that maybe only a month away from trying to sit down to agree a settlement (not likely I feel) it would inflame to take the car away and leave her without for her work and taking the children around. My children would not think kindly and stbx has tried enough underhand things to make me look bad, in this case she would be right!

But, as you say it is a big risk.....

How much do you currently pay for car?

You could offer to buy a cheap run around to provide transport if you think it would help but isn''t involving CMS for no reason other than spite quite inflammatory?

You will probably find that whatever you do and whatever you pay it will never be seen as enough and sooner or later you will have to call a halt.

Agree, perhaps the time is after we have agreed a settlement or confirmed that we cannot and it is going to court.

Been on the phone to CMS, they can only take HMRC figures which shows last years higher level, which is very disappointing when I have my last pay slip for the whole year showing i was paid considerably less.

However after listening to me he agreed that we should be sorting this voluntarily, as I am not disputing anything and fully expecting to pay what I am legally obliged to. I have paid more than expected but she takes it to CMS as if to say I have been errant in some way, so again very disappointing......

anyway likely this thread is exhausted, thanks to all again.

Without wishing to be cynical I will echo that in my experience the more you pay the more is expected.

I had a similar experience with my ex, I tried to keep the peace and be reasonable and she ended up demanding via solicitors letter I pay full CSA at 636 AND half the mortgage at 540. This without any justification on her part. In the end I had to cancel the mortgage direct debit and risk it going into arrears before she backed down.

You need to take into account that cm is supposed to cover everything, including contribution to the children''s housing and living costs. It is not, at least as far as I know, your responsibility to keep your ex comfortable, only to contribute if she is feeling hardship.

One gotcha you need to be aware of as well, the cms will only discount mortgage payments if you do not expect to benefit from the house sale. In my case I paid towards the mortgage for 4 years, did not ask for a discount in CSA and in the end she got the whole house anyway.

It sounds like you are in a similar place to where I was and it all seems a bit scary. Your ex is making a lot of demands and threatening the CSA/cm. My advice would be to pay the cm because you have to and in any case it''s right to support your kids but look to stop any other payment in your name. The end goal is that your ex be responsible for all of her own payments and outgoings and you possibly make a top up payment to her as spousal maintenance.

In the end you will likely find its down to horse trading and all previous agreements (such as gifting the car) will be null and void. So I wouldn''t worry about that. I would try to get everything she will be responsible for in her name and then make payments to her accordingly. She won''t like it but she can''t complain because that''s what the court will look for.

Finally, there are vague rumours that if you have a history of paying over the odds that the court will be inclined to think you can afford it and will continue the payments, at my FDR the judge said I should pay something in SP mnt I think just because I had been previously, it wasn''t based on any evidence of need or hardship.

Try to be fair but firm, you get no credit whatsoever for being overgenerous and few people, male or female, will turn down money they don''t need, or work to earn rather than take the money.

All valid except the mortgage is up at end October, so to get this close to paying off and to risk delaying payments etc would not be worth it.

On the car, I could decide to bite the bullet and pay off to the 50% mark for immediate cancellation, or wait and use it in settlement negotiations. So I cannot just stop paying it as they will come after me, similar with mortgage. Plus on the car she will not give it back even if I say it is terminated so still to get my head around that one as well.

Have this morning cancelled all remaining DDs so not paying anymore above CM now, apart from mortgage and car.

Lets see where it goes.....