I just want to die,Mylife seems over

Yes that's pretty bad but it does mean that there have been some days along the way that were not so bad.
Why do you hate yourself? You seem to have done it very quickly I wouldn't have been strong enough to do that so soon ( I helped build mine and it has to go as well)
Stop beating yourself up. Have you found some new things to do? Have you found somewhere else to live? Look what you've done to move on and give yourself a big hug from me.

I hate myself because I keep thinking of things I might have done different,However she changed and became a different person,I want to blame someone,(but I cant)
My mind keeps going and going,have no peace

Oh Mike - new to this site - but gosh I read your pain. I am only one year down the line and still in a dark place too - different ingredients but the same emotional destruction.

Yes, I want to blame - but it has no value - I'm not sure what to say othr than I see from the various posts that the folks on here have been there, some are going there and some are in their final journey.

how long its last - I dont know but as everyone is telling you - look to something positive - and this is a good place to be in as any! Jx

It will get better. I've been in that state myself and I got through it. So will you. Look to your inner strength and don't let them win. All you can do when it's tough is take it one day at a time, and if you get through that day you can give yourself a pat on the back. Never, ever give up on yourself.

Hello Mike,

I think I can relate to how you are feeling, my ex changed unbelievably so after he became redundant, I am still on the same "track" keeping our family home going and keeping the youngest child's life as normal as possible.

I did the same as you, blamed myself, looked for answers all the time, "could I have done things differently?" or if I had of done would we be where we are today?

Maybe get a journal and write your feelings down, but don't dwell on them, it will just help to get your emotions "out" and maybe close the door on them.

I hope you can take one day at a time and keep creating new situations that have no bearing/memories of your past haunts, take "baby steps!" and you will grow stronger all the time.