Split up in 1995 Divorced 2 years Later

Hi I am now 43 yrs old I split up in September 1995
& got divoreced 2 years later

my daughter at the time was 9 yrs old 10 in November of that year

she would now be 21 yrs old , How would I go about trying to contact her now ?

we have had no direct contact (although I did kind of see her - but not to talk to -- when I visited her secondary school during a parents evening)

she went off crying -- not sure why ?

Hi Colin,

Seems a very sad situation. If it is not too personal, why did you have no contact when you split with your wife?

Well, your daughter is now an adult, which I guess makes it slightly easier in the fact that she can make her own decisions about seeing you.

I would imagine that if I had not seen my dad for over 10 years I would feel fairly angry. Having a 10 year old daughter myself I know the emotions she goes through only seeing her dad 12 hours a month, so I hate to imagine what she would feel if he didn't see her at all.

I am not judging, I don't know your situation I am just wondering whether you have thought about what happens if you do trace her!

Did you have indirect contact, eg letters or phone calls?

I guess your first step would be to start where you last know she lived. Maybe put an advert in the local paper asking whether anyone knows your daughter and for them to get her to contact the paper.

The thing is, people move around these days and 10 years is a long time. Do you not have any links with family who may be able to point you in the right direction.

Who knows, she may have gone to college or university and moved elsewhere in the country. Do you know what name she is now using?

There are so many questions I think that you need to approach this with care, both for your sake and that also of your daughter's.

Regards, Sarah

I would only add that you MUST, MUST, MUST do it.

Don't NOT trace her because you're scared.

She may well be 21, an adult, but you have the rest of your lives to live that relationship. It will be a different relationship, if you allow it to be so, than that which you had previously.

She may well be angry but you should still perservere. Do your very, very, best to find her and keep an open mind and be grateful for whatever results.

Regards
poppy

thanks for the advise , when I split up it was a very messy divorce , I spent £5000 in court to no avail , My x distroyed letters & brainwashed her to the degree that after
the last court appearence when she was 10 nearly 11 she although was not present (I was told that she did not want to see me)
I started a new relationship which has now also broken down !!

I know that she went to college in her area last year (info from other people)

but I don't know if she is going back or not ?

I have not been able to write to her & would not know if she would ever see any letters ?
(also not sure what to put or where to start after so many years !!)

But I know that I would like to try to contact her !!

Colin - I would say try Facebook, Bebo or MySpace to start with - how common is her name?

Colin

You should try to trace if you can but you need to think about what you are going to say when you find her and how. Letters are very useful and if there is any way you could use an intermediary this would be the wisest way to go as it allows a little safe distance for her and you. Is there any family member in common that you could use? If not there are professional intermediary services who will work on your behalf, there are some who will even do the tracing for you as well to make sure they get the right person.

You have left it long enough any longer and yr daughter will ask why you took so long. If you are not successful do keep a record of all you try to do so you can show her when you do eventually find her, this will mean something to her even if she is not entirely happy with the contact at first. I wish you well with it.

I have had a look on there too many people with the same name & lots do not have pictures & as it's been so long her apperaence could have changed ?

I am drawing a blank there , but thanks for the info !!