Alone surrounded by couples

I used to think like this. I would go shopping. Couples arm in arm. I would go for a walk, guess what? U got it. Everywhere you look... couples.

But then I started to think. You know the couple you followed into the supermarket? Yea that one. They could have just made up after some massive fight the night before. Or next week she is going to get battered. Thing is, knowing what I know about how things look on the outside, know one knows what happens between four walls. You may think they look like a couple. But they may not be for long.

I dont have any couples friends. Ok maybe a few that I say hello to when out. But all my main friends are single. I tend not to mix with couples.

I have a theory and its not based on anything really. The women of the couple think that I want to take their man away and make him stray. And them men? Jealous of my freedom to come and do as I please. So I tend to stay clear of couples. Of course couples are wrong. I dont live high on the hog. But then I dont look like a typical single. Sure you know the look

I am some eight / nine years on now from the separation and a long time divorced. And now I cant remember a time when I was married. Its too long ago now. So I am kinda like it was before I was married. I dont take any notice any more. I dont see them now. They are not on my radar any more. And as for supermarkets (where I would expect I would run into couples) I use the singles lane (self checkout or 8 items or less (another singles area)) so I dont really get to see them.

But honestly? Try not to be bothered by couples. If you ignore them, they wont bother you. Its all part and parcel of recovery and occupying your own shadow and being your own person. Converting from an US to a ME. But then I am kinda biased. I do love being single. Marshy.

A quick warning - going to a wedding on your own. I went to a family wedding less than a year after separation......and it was the unexpeted that shocked me. Two things that caught me out - one the watching the two (complete) families walk to the top table and realising we will never do that (and we won''t - what a facade that would be - everybody to their own) and when the dancing started after the meal - thinking - there is no-one to dance with - so I might as well go home alone (I love to dance!)

Hey ho - forewarned is forearmed. I still notice couples and I try to take Marshy''s outlook but often end up with JJ''s.

Remember - we looked like one of those couples to others just a few months before we split. Perhaps from the outside we now look strong, independent and free. Let''s fake it til we make it?

Take care

Your comment about the dancing struck a note with me as I love to dance too. At my other daughter''s wedding the worse part was the evening do. One minute I was sitting on a table with my family, the next they had all got up to dance as couples and I was left on my own. Guess who the only other person was that was not on the dance floor - my ex as his wife had gone home early because of their toddler. Not long afterwards I retired to my room.

@ Sun flower

You must have read my fiasco regarding my daughters wedding !!
Top table wasn''t long enough for me !!

Yeh used to look at couples with their arms around each other. Even my daughter commented that I looked at couples together with a sad look in my eye.

Now I couldn;t care less. I think of the times she wrecked a party with her drinking or showed no interest in anything to do with holidays or planning thereof.

When she did something herself it was in her style and before she left my house had dark curtains , dark suite, dark carpet. Well not any more. Everything changed to light colours now except the suite which the cats now use as a scratching post !!

Like Marshy I have few friends who are couples which means I can go out with the lads or visit platonic female friends without glares from a partner.

stemginger wrote:

I have been thinking about the alone round other couples theme. I definitely have felt tarred, as if I am carrying some kind of toxic plague. It''s funny that having problems with your partner is acceptable but splitting up somehow is not. ... People living on their own have often been feared by society - think of witches/ hermits in the medieval times. Perhaps it is our job to normalise the process, after all the stats for divorce are high, and demonstrate that being on your own does not mean you are odd, heartbroken, too unattractive/ old to meet someone new. When I first started going out there alone, I recalled divorced friends from the past and how they had role-modelled that it is ok to be divorced/ separated and I hope that I can now do the same.

It''s thought-provoking (and reassuring) reading all your comments, thanks. I like the idea of normalising being divorced amongst couples. Stemginger''s comments about marital problems vs divorce made me think that being in an unhappy relationship still seems to trump being divorced or single. Must be as Polar says that worry that you are now a potential threat to their relationship, or maybe just an awkward extra that people feel sorry for.
The idea of an imaginary partner is tempting too! It might stop the pressure from well-meaning friends who keep trawling their networks for separated men, regardless of how disturbing the precipitants for their marriage breakups (bankruptcy, addiction, infidelity) or how recent the separation ("OK it only happened a few months ago but men don''t stay single for long, so snap him up Vastra before some one else does!")

The very phrase ''snap him up'' sent a shiver down my spine!

Ah Eliza ..good men are hard to find.
Think there are only 3 of us in the UK !!