Alone surrounded by couples

I''ve had to do that too...

I needed to have an orthopedic operation just at the point when my ex was carrying on with her adulterous fancy man.

The hospital said that I needed to have a ''responsible adult'' to collect me from the hospital. My ex wouldn''t do it. Eleven years.

She said that she would ''offer'' (for a limited time only) to put my mum up in a nearby hotel room instead... and my mum lived at a totally different part of the country. Instead, I asked a friend to help. (A friend who my ex hated). My friend did help. I will forever be grateful to him. My ex also said that I was a rubbish judge of character. The funny thing was that I was a rubbish judge of HER character.

x

Hospitals obviously bring out the worst in some folk. Last year, still married then, my ex wouldnt take time off work to come and drive me home after a major op. He let me drive myself home against medical advice (23 years together).I just got on and did it, now I wonder why I put up with it...

Hmm the same happened to me after a laparoscopy - ex came but fumed at how long it took for me to recover (how boring for him to have to wait for me to stop vomiting and get up and walk!)
On a cheerier note, I had another similar function last night which was good exposure therapy, given I was coming down with a virus and tempted to stay home with the kids. Instead I went and had a good time. Perhaps I need to remember that "fake it till you make it" attitude, remember others may well be on their own too, and/or that most people won''t notice, care or think less of you for being solo.

well done vastra1 we make our own happiness from now on. my stbx called me on day of my operation if I can postpone so he will be with me, knowing too well and weeks before, that I was due to be hospitalised that morning, the audacity of the guy. I had my children next to me at all times and he will never be missed.

I think like many have said we are all responsible for our own happiness.I have had to attend many a function on my own and im attending yet another wedding in July.
I also had to had to go in for day surgery 2 years ago where my ex refused to even look after his son.I had to get my friend to take me pick me up and discharge myself in time for end of school....but makes you a stronger person.
Never be scared of doing something on your own we can do it xx

I never had any problems doing things like attending parents evenings at school as my ex would never attend anyway and I was always on my own amongst other women who were obviously married to more caring fathers. Similarly I endured major surgery with a similar lack of support. It is in social situations that I feel alone surrounded by couples. I have my daughter''s wedding next year and am already dreading it as my ex will be there with his wife and child and I will be on my own. Even bringing along a girl friend is a problem as I will have to sit at high table. The whole etiquette of a wedding understandably revolves around the parents of the bride/groom being married.

I have been thinking about the alone round other couples theme. I definitely have felt tarred, as if I am carrying some kind of toxic plague. It''s funny that having problems with your partner is acceptable but splitting up somehow is not. I have challenged a couple of friends over this when there were just a few too many cancellations and things improved after that.
I definitely avoid couples situations. New Years Eve was tough were I spent the evening with 5 couples. I felt wary about talking to the men in case it could be misinterpreted and I found the extra kindness a bit tricky. Sometimes I feel like pretending that I have a partner just to make everyone feel better! You know ''he''s away on business'' kind of line. There was a character in Shameless who pretended that she still had a husband! People living on their own have often been feared by society - think of witches/ hermits in the medieval times. Perhaps it is our job to normalise the process, after all the stats for divorce are high, and demonstrate that being on your own does not mean you are odd, heartbroken, too unattractive/ old to meet someone new. When I first started going out there alone, I recalled divorced friends from the past and how they had role-modelled that it is ok to be divorced/ separated and I hope that I can now do the same.