Still problems with the ex

A lot of you know of the problems I''ve experienced with my ex husband over the last 4 years.
I''ve had zero communication with him for at least 6 months now then last night I received a text from him just stating I''m away 9th and 10th of May.This is a weekend he is due to see his son and he has given me just over a weeks notice and offered no alternative dates.
Next Tuesday my son starts his gcses and the fact that his dad is showing little or no support to him is worrying.
My ex was insistent that I should write to him with any changes of dates but it seems when it suits him he texts but he is using 2 different phone numbers and used a number he claimed he didn''t use anymore.
I''m due to be away myself next weekend as it was my weekend so I really think this is unfair of him as he won''t see his son till the end of may now.
Is there anything I can do about his behaviour as my son is 16 now but I don''t think it''s right or fair the way his father is behaving towards him.
He shows him no support in his education didn''t show up at his college tour and fails to take any interest in his school prom.
The whole thing is grinding me down at the moment.

There isn''t really anything you can do about it other than be there for your son.

Was there a contact order in place? They end at age 16.

Has he contacted your son to say he can''t make it?

Sounds like your ex likes to be controlling and this is the only route he has to exert any control over you now. But not for much longer.

There is nothing you can do except continue to support your son.

My daughter rarely sees her dad now, he doesnt make any effort and she is busy with her GCSEs and her rowing so the visits just dont happen.

My two oldest sons havent seen their dad for about 4 years now despite them attempting to keep in touch with him, they have had to accept that he isnt interested.

I know that I did everything I could to facilate contact when they were younger and all three know its their fathers decision not mine.

You can''t control when your ex sees his son or whether he is there to support him through his GCSEs. All the time you have these expectations of him being consistent and doing what you think he should, you will merely be disappointed.

Your son is 16 can he stay with a friend or something whilst you are away. It might help if he''s doing exams to revise with a friend or can he go with you?

Take one step at a time as cancelling one weekend doesn''t necessarily translate into not supporting your son through his exams. My parents were married (still are) and my Dad showed little interest in my education or school commitments.It wasnt that he didn''t care, just left that kind of thing to other people to do. I did ok, it was far from catastrophic that my Dad didn''t really ask or participate in my education.

Not everything is because of separation and divorce.

The parenting isn''t going to be equal or how you would choose it to be as far as your ex is concerned. Your son is 16 and the only thing you can do is come to terms with the situation and make your peace with it.

I do know you can''t control it but it''s such a bad situation to be in.
I don''t know if he''s told our son probably not knowing him.
I do know he''s isn''t supporting our son as he fails to attend anything to show any support.
There isn''t a order in place just through the solicitor that he was to have him alt weekends and Wednesday which he failed at first time.
He did this all last year and let him down on important times.
It isn''t an option that he stays at a friends as he sticks to me like glue at the moment but the sad thing is if his father does this then he won''t see him the whole of may as he hasn''t suggested another.
I do wonder if he''s done this to cause more destruction as like I said it''s been quiet for 6 months and he knows it''s my birthday next Tuesday.

A little confused you say your away this weekend and he cant do following weekend so does it actually impact on your plans?

The only negative impact this could potentially have is if you make it an issue with your son. If you keep telling him how bad his dad is and how it shows he doesnt care then it will have an emotional impact however if you say thats its a shame he is missing out and its the dads loss and your gain because you benefit from being there at such an important time etc your son wont be emotional impacted.

blondecazza wrote:

The whole thing is grinding me down at the moment.

The only thing I can really add to the wonderful advice given so far is dont let it grind you down. You dont own this relationship and you cant interfere. Your son is old enough now to make his own decisions and make his own plans with his dad. If dad lets him down then its his dad''s lookout. I know its upsetting. Esp at a time like this. But there is nothing you can do.

Worry about the things you can change and put to one side the things you cant have any impact on. Marshy.