3 yeas ago today my ex left me

My ex husband left me 3 years ago today. I woke early and it was only through fumbling around on my I pad that I realised the date. I have spent the last 30 minutes reading some of my very early posts. Gosh I was a mess back then and hurting badly. The memories flood back but they don''t hurt me anymore. Once upon a time I couldn''t have read these old posts but today I don''t feel bothered by them.

What''s a liittle strange at the moment is some of the oddities that are occurring without me realizing the connection to the timeframe. In one of my posts I talk about a time when I am deeply upset by the trauma of him leaving and in the dead of night I go into my youngest sons bedroom. My eldest son is sharing his room whilst we are decorating his. I find a lot of comfort there that night and I''m so very thankful that they are with me. 3 years on we are decorating my youngest sons bedroom, they are doubling up again. No tears tonight, what woke me today is their chitter chatter and giggles. But there is some sadness for me at least. My eldest son is leaving home this weekend. He isn''t moving far away but that doesn''t matter, what matters is he won''t be here and I will miss him so much. He''s ready to go and I get that, so I feel some excitement for him and a lot of sadness for me. His laughter is a tonic which is priceless and I envy his housemates.

When I first found wiki it was literally a life line for me, I wouldn''t have got through some of those very dark hours without it that''s for sure. I remember my first wiki meet, I was frozen with fear as I traveled into Manchester and then very nervously introduced myself to a group of complete strangers. Strangers who had held my hand and supported me through a time in my life which was truly horrendous. Strangers who promised that things would get better, that I would walk in the sunshine again and that I was doing ever so well. I was hurting, I was doubtful and I was confused.

Two days ago I meet up with a wiki, we had not met before but I''m sure we will meet again. I travelled to Manchester but this day I didn''t feel anything like I did before. We had coffee, followed by tea, we walked through the bustling activity of the city to an Italian restaurant ( one of my favorites ) we chatted with such ease. We left Manchester and each other some 7 hours after we arrived. It had been a good day.

I am now divorced, I kept the FMH, I am mortgage free and love my home. It has protected me from things I wasn''t strong enough to handle. It was and still is my sanctuary. I am very thankful I was able to stay here. I took redundancy in the middle of getting divorced. I never imagined that would happen. I was or so I thought a lifer. 18 months later I am still working in a job I thought was nothing more than a gap filler. I am now an accredited trainer and doing really well. Perhaps I''ll stay, who knows.

I survived a very bad time. Once upon a time I would have had my old life back in a heartbeat. Now I wouldn''t touch it with a barge pole. I still have work to do on myself but I''m ok. i have achieved rather a lot in the last 3 years, life doesn''t stand still. Things change and those things change us and sometimes whilst we don''t see it at the time change us for the better.

LG xXx

Thanks for sharing that beautiful post LG! I always love reading Wiki''s stories of recovery and flourishing post divorce. The comparisons from then and now must help you to see how far you''ve come. It fascinates me how our perspectives keep changing and developing as the heartache fades - I agree, I wouldn''t take my old life back for anything. X

That''s great to hear LG. Well done you and thank god for wikivorce. I joined this site long before I ever posted and long before I got the courage to actually do something about my miserable (near suicidal)life. It has been a lifeline for me too. I am also now on the other side of hell. I am happy, my kids are happy too but I know from the kids that he is still a miserable, selfish, cantankerous ''old'' man. He has all but driven them away from him, one by one. We have all moved on in our lives but he is sad bitter and shriveled up with anger. I was a total wreck during the marriage and he thrived on my misery. It''s a shame how some people''s only objective in life is to make others suffer.

Hi LG. I remember you when you first came here. What a difference 3 years make? But its not just the time. You have put the work in and your an inspiration to us all. It only gets better. Marshy.

Great post LG, so happy for you.

And similarities here, too. I am coming up for the 3 yr milepost, and though I was on the floor for the first two years, and have suffered a great many losses (including my home and more importantly one of my children now living with him) which I did not think I could bear, the gains have been enormous, too, and, like you - and I think all of us - I would not wish to be where I was before he left.

I do wish I had done things differently, I could have made fewer mistakes, the fault is not all on his side, but I am learning to forgive both of us a little. And I like myself a lot more now.

Take heart, all of you newbies out there still red raw and screaming inside.

What a lovely post LG.

You are living proof we can all make it

Thank you

Fantastic to read how far you have come LG.

It''s been just over 3 years for me too, and despite the blips (which I always share on here !!)there are lots of times since my divorce when I''ve never felt happier, and I really do count all the blessings in my life.

It''s amazing how self-sufficient we become post-divorce. I''ve learnt to do so many things I would never have attempted - changed my brake lights, put up shelves, fixed my boiler, re-upholstered furniture etc etc.

And I can honestly say that my social life has never been better, my friendship bonds have never been stronger, my family ties are closer than ever, and my relationship with my two children is unbreakable. The three of us are such a tight little family unit, despite our ''perfect'' image of family life being totally destroyed.

I sit in my lovely ,warm, cosy little house, with all my lamps and candles on, with vases of fresh flowers and fragrant oil burners and everything that I''m surrounded by has been chosen by me and makes me happy.

Would I go back to my huge 4 bedroom detached house if I could?? - absolutely no way!

I still have my moments when it hurts and maybe I always will to some extent, but like you LG I have come a long way and time is a great healer.

Thanks for sharing your inspiring post and helping others.

I hope your happiness continues!

Patsy x