''emotional development?''

My stbx has decreed that I cannot have my son over night as it will affect his emotional development - she moved in with her mum and dad with no warning after eight years. He is 4 - I think sleeping with his mum in a strange house every night is more likely to affect him.

It has been 3 months now - she is forcing me to sell the house and has served papers for UB we have only been married 15 months her family paid for everything. She said I didn''t talk to her for days on end (when I worked nights) and when I did talk to her I was demeaning and critical. I did say her soups were good enough for harrods once....

The truth is her dad had an affair with a 35 yr old from the Cayman Islands - he is 62 - and went to live there for 3 months. He came back out of the blue then started throwing money at us. He didn''t apologise to his wife or daughters for all the turmoil. My son was 2 then - he paid for the wedding bought my wife a new car and her mother and sister. His wife then used my wife as a surrogate husband and also started throwing money at us...

I am a proud working man - it got to the point where I spent £20 on a belt for my 4 yr old just so I could feel like a real father!

I have just been to mediation as I really need to have him over night not just two hours from a car park. Everyone says ''she can''t do that'' but actually they can and they do!

Her dad is a control freak who manipulated us with his wealth - how sad because kids don''t understand the concept of money so it is wasted on them.

Thanks for listening this site has really helped me. I got very bad reactive depression.

DazAli1 wrote:

listening this site has really helped me. I got very bad reactive depression but am so proud that I didn''t go off sick - I could never let that GP (he is ginger) beat me. I am too stubborn.

You actually lost my sympathy with that last remark...what does it matter what colour the GP''s hair is (as a matter of fact both my kids are ginger and they are perfectly normal and happy, I would hate anyone who decided their fate or if to deal with them or not on thier hair colour.

I apologise for the last remark - it was completely unacceptable.

Welcome to Wikivorce DazAli

There''s quite a bit going on in your life isn''t there?

Ignore the stuff about your father-in-law having an affair (the ethnicity of the young lady is completely irrelevant) - and focus on establishing proper contact with your son.

In the last three months, since you separated, what sort of parenting time (contact) have you had with your son, and how often? What concerns has your wife raised - if any? How have you gone about trying to sort things out? What would you like to achieve - and what is realistic? Have you devised a parenting plan?

There is nothing stoic about refusing to recognise you need time off work when suffering from depression; it''s not about your GP (ginger or otherwise) "beat" you - it''s about accepting the support and advice from a medical professional - and acting on it before you make yourself more ill. Divorce/separation are well-known triggers for depression - you are not alone, and having depression is nothing to be ashamed of.

Let''s find a way to move forwards for you - we do need more information (and by answering the questions in my second para will help).

Ruth

Ruth

Thanks - I cannot ignore the fact he had an affair because it set in place a chain of events which have seriously affected my life. I take your point about the race issue but I am black and he has never respected me that also makes him a hypocrite. They cannot ignore the fact they have a mixed race child in the family and I will make sure he is proud of who he is and his heritage.....

She has given no explanation whatsoever - that is because there isn''t one it is purely a cynical and selfish way to get what they what.

The affair is irrelevant to contact with your child.

Rubytuesday asked a number of questions :
In the last three months, since you separated, what sort of parenting time (contact) have you had with your son, and how often? What concerns has your wife raised - if any? How have you gone about trying to sort things out? What would you like to achieve - and what is realistic? Have you devised a parenting plan?

This is what you need to be focusing on.

Thank you - it was more of a rant and to share my experience - it is very painful but no different to what others are experiencing.