Childminder access

Well..my situation has deteriorated over the last couple of weeks i''m afraid and looks like one for the court.

Am posting this for a reasoned viewpoint...

3yo daughter goes for 4 days a week at a childminder. Since separation in August, as I work a mile away, I pop in for an hour ar lunch and an hour for breakfast to spend some time with her which is great. An opportunity to see her daily!

As of last week, my mediation-agreed access has been withdrawn entirely.

STBX last week also instructed me that I''m no longer to attend and to keep away from childminder and the CM isn''t being drawn on the issue and I believe is in a compromising situation as if she allows me the visits, STBX may just withdraw her business.

Anyone have a view on this? I don''t think this is right.

I think, unless the child-minder agrees and supports your daily visits, you have to respect her request to stop them. After all, you are visiting her home.

If contact has bow stopped, that is a different matter - you can either suggest mediation again, or make an application to court. Whgat reason was given by your ex for renaging on the agreement?

Absolutely, as its her home, its her choice and I abide by that, but she''s hiding behind the request by the STBX and not making her own decision.

The reason behind the change in access is that the police and social services are involved in an ongoing issue. Thats to be handled in a separate pending court issue.

Perhaps she doesn''t want to be caught in the middle of the issues between you and your ex. I appreciate that not being able to now see your daughter daily is distressing, but I don''t see what you can do wrt to the Childminder, I''m afraid.

Very difficult and sad that the STBX is imposing her wishes on a neutral person and they go along with it.

By accepting STBX''s demand, she''s put herself in a difficult position of appearing to take sides

Hi Cameron70,

Put yourself in the CM shoes. For all she knows you might have harmed your child or anything! She can only go on what your Ex says as she is being employed by her. Her only concern is your daughters safety and happiness and she is doing exactly what is asked of her - she isn''t taking sides.

And as you have pointed out - if she ignores your Ex then she faces the prospect of losing work and also your daughter would have to engage with a new CM which would be unsettling for a 3 year old at the best of times let alone one that may have been distressed by the divorce process. Don''t take this personally - I am sure the CM is just doing as she is told and is not happy to be in the middle of it all. Hopefully once everything has been worked out at Court you will be able to see your daughter as often as you both want. I know it must be hard for you but keep strong and stay focused.

Fair points raised.

Just to maybe clarify, the S/Svcs and Police are investigating STBX.