Disabled child being used to get more cash

A nominal order is for example £1 a year.

No one enforces it.

As your wife is concerned about what will happen when child support and benefits run out she will probably have a good case to demonstrate the need for spousal maintenace

Her housing needs have been more than met the fact she could downsize and be mortgage free could mean her future is not as bleak as it seems.

Returning to work at some stage is an option for her but there are many people who at 55 are thrown on to the scrap heap. Any sm paid by you now would be taken off certain means tested benefits she receives council tax benefit for example.

Unless she can earn enough to life herself out of the benefits trap it won''t benefit her at all currently obviously when your son moves out her need will become greater. At that time she could apply for it to be varied.

I suppose this has been the problem all along. I think my ex has enough time and resources to plan to support herself in 5 years time, but if she genuinely couldnt then I would help her out.

I‘d just rather we had an honest discussion about the real issue - her on her own in 5 years time. Instead she‘s tried to make the case all about our son when actually she knows I would never leave him without. So for example she put in a statement of needs which was almost double her actual needs, so that she could secure a huge SM payment now which she doesn‘t need, so it would be there in 5 years time when she might.

So perhaps I just forget the Clean Break, look for a fair equity split now, offer a nominal order till retirement. If she is really struggling in 5 years time I would help her anyway so I can cross that bridge when I come to it

As I am no good with the figures I will pass on this one,I can offer nothing to that request.All this seems to be about the future,and her needs then,surely your child is out at school for a certain amount of hours? So it would not be unrealistic for her to be looking at some sort of training for those hours.
My marriage was for a lot longer than yours,and we opted for a clean break,my Sol advised me that it could cost thousands fighting over what we did not have anyway,so this seemed the better option.

Divorce brings so many changes in our lives,least not financial security,but that is something we all have to live with,as long as your not trying to shaft her,do what''s best for you all.
I have some close wiki friends who at the age(cough cough)over 50,have to start completely over again,moving to differant area''s,taking minimum wage and hours jobs,just so they can survive.
Maddog,I so agree with you,if only you could both come to a realistic agreement for both of you,life would be so much easier for you all.

Take care
Afon Xxx

I suppose you could have a nominal maintenance order now ie. £1 a year - which states at a certain date increases to £???? For however many years you agree on? If the order isn''t written correctly and it''s just a nominal order now - in the future if she needs an increase she will have to apply and go through a variation which she may or may not get, depending on both your circumstances at that time. It will also be costly. It seems very complex with all the rental properties involved and other issues? Hopefully someone will give more advice soon.

If that''s possible maybe its the way to go. Thinking about some of the advice on here has made me think about whats important to me. My priorities are:
I want a fair slice of the equity now so I can buy a house and clear at least some debt
I want the kids secure for as long as they need it
If my son stays at home and doesn''t go into supported accommodation I will support my ex regardless
I don''t see any point in paying SM now when a) my ex doesn''t need it and b) it will be taken off her anyway when Universal Credit kicks in.
I don''t object to paying her something in 5 years time IF her circumstances warrant it and I wouldn''t put up a big fight as long as the variation she asked for was reasonable AND I felt she had done what she could to improve her position in the past 5 years.

So perhaps I just make an offer which includes a nominal order which ends in 15 years at retirement. At this point in time our retirement funds are basically equal (in fact hers is a bit higher) so I would hope the Judge would say that at this point the fair thing is for the order to end at retirement.

And then get this thing settled and worry about what happens in 5 years time in 5 years time. Not ideal - but the nominal order addresses any possible concerns about a safety net for the kids, especially my son so hopefully the Judge would see that as reasonable.