Thoughts on what CM covers

What you already pay should cover all the children need. I feel that the only extras that you could offer to contribute towards are things like school trips etc and these should be split equally between you and your ex

Children also get invited to birthday parties, and presents are expected. It''s an additional expense at Christmas time too.
When maintenance is calculated the standard of living that the family enjoyed prior to the divorce does play a part.
Essentially, as you are working and your ex is too, I would imagine her earning capacity is significantly less than yours. Also, when the children are ill, consider time taken from work in order to care for them.
Divorce is a hideous fracture in any family, whether one or both parties has moved on into a new relationship or not.
Children are not children for long, the expense is part of the privilege of being a parent.
No offence intended, just my humble opinion.

Tink x

The last paragraph s of Tinks reply are very nicely put. Consider costs of haircuts and all the other things that don''t always spring to mind and it soon adds up.

Not all rp are ''poor'' and nrp ''rich''.

My husband ex''s household income is much greater than ours but she still tries to emotional blackmail my husband into paying more for half this that and the other. When he refuses to pay up she attempts to get extra by stealth sending children in to small shoes and clothes so that he will replace them.

If you feel that you more than cover half of the costs of the children don''t be emotionally blackmailed into paying extra unless you want too.

Thanks all for your comments. I know this is a difficult topic as shown by the differing views on here.

I think i struggle in my situation due to the difference in our basic wages, making my 20% a large sum to her which I do honestly feel exceeds what she and the children need. 20% of my salary is grossly over what we ever spent on them before. STBX is also earning with a partner in full time employment. Previously, she barely worked and I provided every single thing - bus fares, friends parties, haircuts, etc. This is why I am quite confident what it costs for the kids, I paid it all! Yes things change as they get older but not drastically, and i dont want them spoiled either. Last christmas i got my eldest doing jobs around the house to earn christmas money.

The issue is that my STBX hates me (its mutual!) and believes that I ought to provide everything as way of compensating her for our failed marriage - that she chose to end BTW. If one of the kids needs school shoes she tells them to get me to buy them when they visit me. Getting the blackmail through your kids is awful, and i dont know what to do. Buy the shoes and be a mug but have happy kids or tell the kids that Mum needs to buy them as I give Mum ample money each month for all their needs? I dont think its right for me to bring the kids into the financial side of things and discuss the arrangement with them but I also hate the idea that my kids get the subliminal message that ''dad'' pays. With STBX, i worry they''ll see a man as a provider financially rather than wanting to provide for themselves.

I cannot discuss this with her. She wont talk to me, even if the kids pass the phone to me she hangs up.

I feel i pay enough, and curious to know how others view CM and handle this situation....

''Mummy must have forgotten that I have already given her the money''

benefits/ tax credits do not take into consideration the amount of CM or SM the recipient receives. Therefor she could easily qualify for income support (even if she were working) and get child benefit. So yes, it is a nice little earner, it can often close to an extra 1K per month.

Lets now add that to CM and SM which for some can be in excess of 2K.

Also- who said anything about telling the children this? All I said was a straight out ''no'' seems to work.