Picking up the kids

Just after some general advice..

When we first parted the Stbx agreed that we would split transporting the children back and forth seeing as she decided to move 100 miles away. Every second weekend when it was my turn to have the children, she would transport them one way and I would drive them back or vice versa.

Now a couple of months down the line, she is saying that if I want to see them that I collect and return them. She actually said tonight that that''s would the courts would agree. If I want to see the children then I have to make all the arrangements. Is this right?

There are no fixed rules and each case is treated separately. Conditions may be attached to a court order making the parent who moved away responsible for the travelling or for it to be shared. Sometimes a parent with the minority of care does all the travelling, particularly if the other parent has other very young children or the expense of travel leaves the family struggling financially.

It used to be the case that contact was seen to be for the benefit of the contact parent and t was therefore up to him to make all the arrangements, do all the travelling and pay all the costs of contact.

Increasingly, however, contact is seen to be in the interest of the child, and it is more often the expectation that both parents will cover the expense and do any necessary travelling.

It is also usually expected that if one party moves any distance, the additional cost of contact becomes their responsibility.

There is no rule, as Fiona says, and if it came to court a judge could rule either way.

Your problem is trying to enable your ex to understand that contact is for the benefit of the children and not for you, and that as a responsible parent she needs to do her share, particularly as the parent who has made contact more difficult.

It sounds as if she doesn''t see your involvement as especially necessary, and you may need to consider mediation if you can''t persuade her. If she is challenging you to take her to court, that may eventually become necessary, and I think you would have a good case. For now make a record of every communication with her and every effort on your part to keep contact going.

my stbx tried this tactic. It may not be the right approach, but i stood my ground and i didn''t see my kids for a few weeks which was very difficult.

Painful i know and may be not the best approach, but stbx/rp did relent and not been an issue since.

My ex has never agreed to transport the children for contact which is every weekend.
I drive 250 miles every weekend to collect my children and take them home again, 13,000 miles a year.
Strangely now we''re having to go through a variation of maintenance because of my reduced income she''s questioning why I spend so much money running my car?

Keijen wrote:

My ex has never agreed to transport the children for contact

+1

Mine is EOW but about the same mileage as she moved further away. She has dropped them off ONCE in 2 years and picked them up once when she was travelling that way.

I''m inclined to push this now as its starting to get to me. I often get stuck in horrendous traffic and get accused of not turning up on time or not being bothered, etc, when that couldn''t be further from the truth. I struggle seeing my kids literally 4 night a month on average and I''m having to take time off EOW to get there in time to pick them up once they''ve finished school on the Friday.

I wish more parents saw it as in the childs interests that they see their Dads/NRP - rather than ''the ***** can do all the running around, why should i have to''. If you cared about your kid you''d want them to know the other parent and to see them.

Quick bump on this... interested in opinions.

Ex and I have recently come to blows. I have done all the picking up and dropping off of the kids for my EOW visits. I''m currently without a car due to a bad smash (nobody was hurt) and this has caused WWII. I asked ex to help in dropping/collecting the kids but she has refused saying that if I want to see them I need to make the arrangements.

I got a relative to pick them up last weekend and hired a car to drop them back. She is refusing to help. Situation is that we used to live in the same county, she moved about 200+ miles away and I then moved to be about 90 miles away.

I feel that she isn''t putting the interests of the kids first to say that if I want to see them I need to make the arrangements. I said I was happy to do one journey if she would do the other but she refuses. Is she right to? What do you parents with the kids 80% of the time say? I need her help while I am struggling with transport. She has a car that I bought her FFS. I actually think its fair that we are both flexible and take turns now and then but she has made her thoughts clear.

This has really caused problems. She has told the kids that its evidence that I don''t really want to see them. That is so not true.

What can I do? I can suck it up, hire cars, etc til my car is fixed, but it doesn''t fix the issue that she clearly has a problem with me and wont assist in visits. My relationship with my kids is strained as I hardly see them as it is and knowing that she will not help me to see them makes me feel ill.

What can I do?