How do we tell our 5 year old son?

Hi

My husband and I are splitting up and we have only just begun the process. After Xmas H might move into a house he is planning to buy on a rental basis to secure the house sale incase this drags out for a long time.

I'm just not sure how to tell our 5 year old boy. I have bought two story books that try to explain divorce and separation to young children, but just not sure how to tell him. We want to tell him together and reassure him.....wondered if anyone else had tried to do the same thing with a child this young?

Thanks
Sarah

Hi

Not an easy task when it comes to telling the children , it's great you have bought books on the subject for him, and that your both going to do it together.Children need alot of reassurance that they are still very much loved by both mum and dad and this is not their fault in any way.You will be asked questions by him no doudt and best was to answer is truthful but age appropriate responses.

I have just gone through this - literally 2 weeks ago. We were going to do it together, but in the end I moved out, and then my ex bought my daughtewr over to my new flat.

The process for us had been gradual, we separated 6mths ago but continued to live in marital home together in spearate beds.

My daughter accepted this well, and has been over to my flat on a couple of occasions but is yet to stay for the night, it is early days though and hopefully she will stay with me this weekend.

In the end after much soul searching we dicided to try and not make a big deal about it, focus on the positives and reassure her that she will have lots of time with both of us.

Our intention is to be united as parents, even though we are no longer together - early days but hoping that remains the case

good luck with it how ever you choose progress

shell

Hi i've gone through this with myboys of 2,4 and 7. The main thing is to reassure them that the absent parent is still very much a part of their lives and can be called at any time and that they will still be involved with all the special occaisons. My boys have days when they say how much they miss daddy, but they are adjusting. As long as the care and the love they recieve remains constant that's the most important thing. Children of this age do adjust and if they can see you and dad getting along and you explain you're still friends but live in different houses tends to work quite well.

Puddytat wrote:

Hi i've gone through this with myboys of 2,4 and 7. The main thing is to reassure them that the absent parent is still very much a part of their lives and can be called at any time

Just wondering if anyone has any advice about how to deal with ex not bothering to see his 3yr old? I have no way of explaining to my son why his daddy is not around without being extremely negative - albeit truthful! - about him. How can you explain to a small child that it is not their fault that their dad would rather be out with their mates/new girlfriend than see them?
Any advice would be gratefully received.

I would try to avoid sayin anything negative however truthful it maybe. I would keep it to the daddy loves you very much and is always thinking about you but he just can't be here right now, even though i'm sure he wants to.

Maybe try and get your ex to phone your son at a set time each day? Found this helped with my sons.

Children aren't silly i think if you stay very neutral and never say anything negative about the absent parent,as time goes on they adjust and eventually they will understand who was there for them and who wasn't xx

Good Luck xx

Sadly, my ex cannot be relied upon to do anything at a set time. His dad tried to organise a regular access session between him and J (I have a very good relationship with my in-laws, better than the ex does!) but he didnt bother to turn up.
Am reluctant to try to organise any further set contact as it is my little boy who is disappointed.