Not at all amicable

Hi people, I ve been a good place, having ignored my stbx for some weeks over the festivities and today I replied to a message she sent. I sent one of my own which referred to a simple request to change a regular access day from a monday to a tuesday. The stbx replied that she would not be willing to change the days due to it being to unsettling to the children. Her mother looks after the children on a Tuesday and she has them when she returns from work. I made this request as it was originally one of my days before we fell out and it breaks the week up. I used to see the children overnight on alternate fridays and saturday nights, and then on a tuesday and wednesday night to bath and put them to bed. However she changed it when she jumped ship and access went from 2 midweel days to a monday because her mother did not want to facilitate pick up and drop offs. However, her mother soon changed that when the stbx could no longer face me and hid behind her being the coward she is. There is no reason that this date could not be changed and she is trying to restrict me to 1 hour on a Monday. That means I don't get to see them tuesday, wednesday, thursday and some fridays and this is quite a gap between visits. Given I never get to find out anything they do in their lives other than that I do with them I am flabagasted that this is such an issue.

I ve had enough of the stbx dictating to me, sick of the control she seems to enjoy so much and many reasonable requests are ignored or turned down. It is her way or no way.
She says it will unsettle the kids, well I should remind her that she unsettled the kids more than I could have dreamed of by uprooting them and taking their father away from their everyday lives. I ve had it with being amicable, constantly having to conform to her proposals and never getting anything in return. It seems to me that regardless of any progress in relations between us, it will always be her way or no way and I can't live life like that. I was told by the divorce solicitor to apply for a court order which will remove the control she has, but this will cost and I ve been hoping that we could work it out between us. Obviously not, the stbx is just a control freak like her mother and sod anyone else. Like I ve said in blogs before, she is completely oblivious to anyone elses feelings.
Surely it does not unsettle the kids to allow them to have a relationship with their father?

I may have to resort to a court order, but that will remove any flexibility I had hoped for. There seems to be none anyway so I won't be any worse off. I m a little annoyed today as a result of her controlling and unsympothetic attitude.

Hi Mark

This may come as a surprise but I really feel for you on this. It os so wrong when the other party uses the children as pawns just to make it difficult for the former partner.

Children want to see both parents in a relaxed and comfortable atmosphere and trying to prevent that is just petty and spiteful. My only suggestion is to be patient and see if she gets over her little "phase".

PS: Also glad to see from your blog that you have come through your dark place. Believe me, you are better off without her.

Take care.

Hi mark.

Its no surprise to me that you find yourself in this black hole. Its scarey and dark.....but i believe u cn get ot of it .....i havre followed ur posts...i wish u well.

Elle x

I ve had it with being amicable, constantly having to conform to her proposals and never getting anything in return. It seems to me that regardless of any progress in relations between us, it will always be her way or no way and I can't live life like that.

Mark - Im sure you already have but may I suggest that you remind her of this. As I am sure you have been told a thousand times it's a two way street. Next time she asks you for something say no it's quite simple and when she asks why you can explain it to her.

Also have you tried putting the suggest across in a such a way that she is gaining from it as well, that always helps, separating people always think "yeah but what's in it for me" or "why do they want to do that" its human nature.

Just a thought and good luck remember you've got eayrs ahead of you of this so she won't win everytime

Hi Mark
I would give her a monthly timetable and fill in the dates she has agreed to. Perhaps if she saw how little contact you have it might sway her
Take care x

Hi Mark

I know exactly how you feel - although we have established a pattern of contact for when I have the kids (every alternate weekend), it's the little things that she and her cow of a mother do - for example taking my name off as next of kin for my daughter's nursery parents contact list, and putting down her mother's name and contact number instead, stbx telling my son that 'mummy and daddy don't like eachother' - I'm not the one who petitioned, and it's symptomatic of the presumption that my stbx has shown throughout the years - assuming how I feel etc....

I too am sick and tired of how I am being marginalised - hence I am keeping copies of all my mails, posts etc so that if it ever comes to it, and my children are turned against me by her, then oneday I can show them that I tried everything for my kids

hang in there

dd

Dear Mark,
You have my deepest sympathies. It is just completely outrageous when a parent can have such a high degree of control and the otehr party is forced to take court action to get it sorted out.

Why is it that some people just refuse to accept that the best parent is BOTH Parents?

Please don't over react, take sometime and think about what to do.