Not at all amicable

Hi Perrypower

I am not at all sure what answer I would have given in the cirumstances that we were still together: probably that sometimes we are friends and sometime we are not.
I am in a very particular situation however, where my marriage has always been problematic - mainly to do with my stbx's drinking and unreliability, so I think that I can honestly say that we were never 'the best friends ever'.

Again, I do not think it a problem to tell my child the partial truth - he knows that we have nothing to do with each other so to pretend that we are friends would only confuse him. I did not tell him the complete and whole truth ie: that his dad is not the slightest bit interested in him or his sister. Indeed, that he doesn't care about anyone except himself. That he will never be able to be relied upon and that he will very likely be dead before my son grows up due to alcohol abuse...

So as far as I am concerned I was as positive as possible given the cirumstances.

Hi,

mediation is available via children's services, I've been to them because my daughter did not want to see her father and after 2 years of my daughter screaming and sobbing because she did not want to go I thought I needed outside help. My ex is still convinced that I have tried to turn her against him and threatened me with social services that in the end I contacted Social Services and explained the situation and how I was worried because she did not want to see her father. They told me that if she did not want to go with him, she did not have to, in the end it was her choice and that he had not reported me it was just another threat.

My daughter decided wether or not she visits her father, I would never stop her and now I would never force her

Have you asked your children what they want ? take the control away from the angry adults and let the kids decide afterall they did not have any choice when the adults broke up and they are the ones that suffer the most.

Good Luck

I tell my children that part of me still loves their father and that we were very happy. BUT when I was asked - do you like daddy I answered truthfully.

Ever child is different and every relationship different.

I have asked what my children want - and do everything in my power to enable that to happen. Even to the extent of giveing my x a sim card so he can contact them. They want Daddy to keep his word ...

When one parent is absent there is very little the other parent can do. In my case the absent parent has contact as and when he wants it. And he uses this time to critise and blame me. I do not retaliate - and I am sure those in my position know how hard this is. The absent parent is able to undermine and walk away. Where ther are both parents even in difficult circumstances this is minimised.

examples - my x signing my son out of boarding school for a weekend with him and allowing our son to visit sons girlfriend - who at the time neitehr of us had met and whose contact details we didn't have, telling our daughter that of course she could have a pony if Mummy changed her spending habits, telling our son he could change schools to a different fee paying schoo if he wanted to - but not considering the additional cost, whether there were places or the fact son has completed over 75% of his GCSE work. My x chooses to play the friend ( or lsightly dysfunctional older sibling) rathe rthan the parent. And as he doesn't see the consequences he can!

I have never bad mouthed my x to my children - in fact there awas one time my son found me crying and calling him a b*****d (on my own) and my son commented that he had never heard me say anything before! As he is nearly 16 he is capable of understanding adult feelings.

As to what I would have said if we were still together - EXACTLY the same.

In my family we say that whilst we always love each other we don't necessarily like what the other does!