Not Very Proud Of Myself

Hi ,
After reading your post and the supportive replies you have had I would like to say a few words ,well i hope a few haha.
Ruby is right , we all say things we later regret and could kick ourselves in the (_!_) for.

I for one am guilty of such a thing, and if anything I can truly say to you from my own experiences of opening my big mouth inappropriately ,is this, please see it as a learning curve and put it behind you ,guilt is a very destructive emotion especially if you dwell on it.

Your living arrangements sound full of anxiety and stress and anyone living under such pressure is bound to give off steam at some point. "everyone has their limits".
As for your wife's motto of "you deal with it" I think she will eat those very words one day in a big humble pie.
Keep your chin up and come here for support from all of the great people that are here and who are more than willing to help you.
Angie;)

slowlygettingbetter wrote:

Re your son's swearing - its a sure-fire way to get attention and make you sit up and take notice, isn't it? They learn that very quickly and it probably works every time - can I suggest that maybe simply telling him that that language is unacceptable and withdrawing treats (ie no TV for a few hours, no sweets next time you're at the shops) or the good old naughty step or being sent to his room may make him think twice about doing it again. Also you may find that giving him lots of praise when he gets things right - helping tidy up, being polite, doing as he's told straight away and then pointing out what a good boy he is - may make him think about the best way of getting the attention he's looking for.

Thanks. We do put him on the naughty step, he does get sent to his room too, but the thing he hates the most is if we don't give him cuddles.

Happened the other night and he did not like that but seemed to do the trick.

Thats part of the problem I think, we are so loving to our kids.

I know I shouldn't bite and he knows I do, just can't help it at times. Hopefully when I am on my own, it will help me to learn to take a step back and think when I need to before rushing in head first.

angie43 wrote:

Keep your chin up and come here for support from all of the great people that are here and who are more than willing to help you.
Angie;)

You know what Angie? I really wasn't sure what sort of response I would get from people after what I wrote. Because I was made to feel so bad about it last night, I really thought I had done a nasty thing.

I am not glad the way it come out, but in a way, I am relieved it is in the open.

Another motto I have learnt is 'Don't hate your ex, more than you love your children'.

Reall, thankyou all.

Hi motr - that's the one thing I couldn't bring myself to do - stop cuddling my kids - however bad they've been (and they know it!) - but I would say how sad it made me to hear such a lovely boy using such horrible language. I've got 2 boys of 14 & 16 and a girl of 9 - I have to cuddle the boys around the waist now (not the shoulders) as they're already taller than me and I'm nearly 6 feet tall! I know its not cool to cuddle your mum in public, but in the privacy of my kitchen whilst having a nose at what's cooking - is perfectly ok LOL !!
Keep your chin up motr - look forward to having lots of quality time on your own with your kids doing what you all feel like doing and having fun. Take care

Things were not too bad on Friday when I returned from work. xtb was a little frosty, but I kept talking to her sort of asking her things, just chit chat to break the ice.

My son was a little upset on the Friday morning and xtb sort explained again that mummy and daddy can't live together anymore, much the same like I said on Thursday.

I had made my mind up on Friday that I was leaving the house on the 6th February - she is entitled to a fair whack on working tax credit and other bits and bobs and with her wages on top of that plus child maintenance, she will be better off than me a month.

She doesn't qualify for housing benefit but with all the money she will get, she can afford to pay the mortgage and bills, so its been going on for so long, that I need to get out and start rebuilding my life and making my children proud of me.

Interestingly, when doing the form E questionnaire thing, it was mentioned that she wanted 300 per month for CM but based on the number of nights I would have the children, it actually worked out that I would give her 224 a month. This, in her response was rejected as such saying that this hadn't been discussed and it wasn't know when I will have the children etc..... It had been, both in her statement of arrangements for children and in August last year when I said I will want them staying over with me when she is at work so it will mean that I will have a minimum of 2 nights a week to start with. I asked to see them on a Tuesday after school and apart from one Tuesday, no arguments about that, plus 3 weeks in scholl summer holidays....

Anyway, she said to me on Saturday that I can see the children whenever I like, I can pop round, I can phone them anytime etc..... I dunno, not sure if its reality setting in or not.

She had even phoned a womans refuge (apparently) on the Friday morning and they said that there would have to be no contact with me whilst she was there. I ask you, I say the wrong thing and she phones a womans refuge. Odd.

~Give your self a break - we all say things we shouldn't

WE ARE HUMAN

Just keep telling your children you love them and it will work out in the end.

I also tell mine that I don't have all the answers and that adults make mistakes.

In fact with my teenager I am having to tell him that I can't help him with his problem as I am part of it so he needsto find someone lease to talk things through with .... goes right against the grain but is what his counsellor says he needs!!!

You and your stbx need to find space away from each other - and find out what you want.

Why not try reward for the times he doesn't swear - tell him you are proud that he hasn't.

kids just want to please - and small boys are a bit like puppies
if they get attention for nipping - they nip more!

I am really hoping that when I do get my own place and have them stay with me, my son, will change with me.

I know I have to do things my own way, instead of thinking 'am I being watched'. I hate that.