Stopping divorce

Dear wikis, please try and help me find answer to this. Stbx says he does not want divorce although Decree Nisi obtained, he says he regrets all but doesn''t think it possible to revert the situation, says it''s gone too far and we cannot but divorce now and we can get back together in a years time! Is this correct that the process has gone too far and we should divorce and there''s nothing either one of us can do? I need to consider all options, please try and help me with your kind support.

My own personal f*ckwit didn''t want a divorce either. It''s a have your cake and eat it sort of situation.

If you genuinely don''t want to divorce, then you are not committed to it just because you have a Nisi.

But think hard about this. What evidence do you have that he has changed and that you can trust him? Once trust has gone it is very difficult to rebuild it; it takes two very determined people. Anyone can mouth words, what matters is their actions.

The suggestion that you get divorced and then get back together sounds bizarre to me. I can''t help but wonder if there isn''t some kind of scam about the finances involved in his thought processes - we are going to get back together so we don''t need to do all this financial disclosure and settlement stuff. Or of course he could be just deluded.

Stay strong. Do what you want, not what he wants.

There is nothing to stop you getting back together at any time, pre, post, or mid divorce.

If it''s what you both want, great.

But I would add a note of caution. If my x had wanted to come back within the first six months or so, I would have taken him, no question. And it would have been a huge mistake. I would have taken him because the comfort of what I knew would have been so much more appealing than the fear of the unknown, of managing on my own etc. I thought it was love. It was mostly fear. Had he come back, it would never have worked out although I thought it would. Even without all the lies which emerged later, the lack of trust would have made things impossible. I didn''t think so at the time, I thought love would conquer all. But I now know it was fear more than anything and I am very glad he never came back.

I know a couple who divorced and divided their finances but then got back together later on. They remained in their own properties though so they were ''going out'' rather than cohabiting.

Charles

I am hugely cynical.

If he wants to keep that option of you getting back together and living happily ever after then he seriously needs to show you a sign of good faith. Something like an email admitting to the truth of the Spanish property and all other financial information.

If he can''t do that honestly then I would walk away with sadness.

My ex says he doesn''t want to divorce either. Well I didn''t want him to have an affair. Sounds like yours is keeping his options open. I wouldn''t trust mine as far as I could throw him. I wish you luck with your decision

thankyou xx