Porn site visits, flirting online - unreasonable?

Hi, I am now to this form, but wanted to ask your advice.

My husband is on the computer looking at all the porn sites and dating sites almost every time he is home. He is also out 5 out of 7 nights normally, and have some girlfriends, that he claimes to be just friend. He goes for drinks and meals with at least one of them regularly, and is on the phone to her all the time. About 20 sms in 2 hours, and phrases like "wish you were here".

When I found out I was very upset, and we are now trying to draw up a Separation Agreement.

To give you the full story, this is not the time he is doing it. Last year he admitted adultery, and kept lying and being in contact with this person after he admitted it. She was still calling him , and he was seeing her, and even now a year later they keep in contact. I was so upset and hurt when I found out. Surely, we had problems with our marriage, we had to move to a different country due to his work. This meant that I gave up my job. etc. So, was not easy. Plus 2 childen. I still feel this was not the way to resolve the problems!
And couple of years before he also had a relathionship with someone else. Claims he did not sleep with her, but the relathiopship involved constant ( 24 hr) contact with her over phone, e-mails, visiting her durins his trips, etc.

Sorry, this is a bit too long, but I need to know if this is unreasonable behavior, and do I have any grounds for divorce? Adultery was 6 months ago, so I guess this is too late now to be a ground for divorce, but what about porn sites and going out with someone else?
Even if he is not sleeping with her, it still hurts me a lot knowing that he is out there wining and dining with her, while I am looking after children, and just feel lonely and abandoned.

Wasp wrote:

just feel lonely and abandoned.

I think that in itself is reason enough. If you want to file: you could say Adultery and Unreasonable behaviour. I think any man out five nights a week; especially when he has kids; is not being reasonable.

You could be a Golf Widow; or an Internet Porn Widow... regardless of what he's actually doing; you don't need to prove that. The way it affects you and the children is reason enough not to be expected to stay married to this man.

The system requires that you come up with a few lame paragraphs for 'reasons'. Your solicitor could easilly put that together for you by expanding on what you've said.

However, the system doesn't deal with the way we feel when our beloved have lied and cheated. There are many wiki users (men and women) who have experienced what you're going through; and you'll get a lot of emotional support here.

You would be granted a divorce on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour without doubt on the reasons you have stated on your post.
You only get one life and you owe it to yourself to live it with a partner who cares about you and loves you and makes you feel like the most special person in the world.
A serial adulteror who manipulates lies and continually lowers your self esteem is not what you deserve kick him into touch and leave him to his own devices.
all the best
Pete xx

hi wasp,
welcome to wiki.
If you want to divorce you can find any thing as UB and by the sound of it you have plenty there.Why don't you both agree on what you can divorce him that is acceptable to him and will be able to move faster.
You are no more on your own.I can always nag you everyday if you want.I am very good at it as some of wiki peeps will testify.
Please be strong ,we will be here for you whenever you need us,just get your fingers talking.Join chat in the evening ,usually the worst time for all of us.
Ask advice ,as silly or as obvious the answer seems it is nice to have it validated.
have a wikik hug((((((((((WASP)))))))))

Oh, thank you, thank you everyone for the kind words and support! It helps SOOOOOO much!!!!!!!!

Does unreasonable behaviour counts in Scottish law as the reason for divorce?
I know the law is different to that of England & Wales, and we married in Scotland and my husband is Scottish.

Oh, gosh, this does not get any easier.
I just tried to talk to my husband about Separation Agreement and this is what he said:

- he will only use his basic salary in financial calculations. He does some freelance work, but he is not willing to enter that into discussion. I suggested we put a percentage of his total income, but he says, no, only his basic salary.
- he is also saying that the provisions outlined in Separation Agreement will stay forever, even if his salary will change, I will not get more money ( I though we woud put a percentage of income)
- and just comes up crap about needing pay his debts, etc. ( Well, I was not the one going out, whu shold I suffer???) Does this count for anything or not?

HI Wasp

with regard to your question on Scottish divorce law - are you or your husband still domicilled/resident in Scotland?

You can only divorce under Scots law if you are - place of marriage has no bearing. If you choose to divorce on grounds of UB in Scotland, be aware its a long and complicated proccess, involving the courts. You could opt to divorce under the Simplified proccess, which is much quicker, and easier, and with less expense and stress to yourself.

Ruby

Your husband's internet dating sounds like my wife's. There is a whole alternative culture on the internet and I can see how easy it is to get drawn into it. It feels like someone "better" is just a click away.

From what your saying you both accept the marriage is over. If I were you I'd see if he'd accept a petition on the grounds of adultery. It would mean he couldn't subsequently block the process.
Keep it all low key if you can but once you get going it's not up to him what's considered. My worry would be that he'd see his finances about to take a beating and decide to keep things as they are.