When do you cut your child loose?

My future ex left 7 months ago, when our son was a few months past 18 and - with brilliant matric results - a few months into his first year at university. The whole business apparently caused son to miss a few tests and, rather than struggle through what was clearly a crisis to catch up, I recommended he defer and do something else - I'm a university lecturer myself with a lot of experience with undergrads and a break from studies when outside pressure becomes unbearable is the way to go. Son took a job that was fun but I didn't ask him to contribute to his upkeep because - well, because I don't empathise with parents who boot their kids from the financial nest at 18. My child - particularly after marriage breakdown - is the only worthwhile thing I have ever done.

Seven months later I was still waiting for my rather decent future-ex to offer a contribution - son and I are renting while we wait for house sale problems to be settled , as is f-e, but our rent is considerably higher. I don't know what he was thinking to let it go so long. But a few days ago I finally asked him to cough up and backdate it and with a few quibbles he did. Only 500€ per month - but it is the gesture that is most important. Our son, our responsibility, and it's forever if necessary.

But then I read messages here that seem to indicate that kids should be on their own financially from age 19, or 18, or matriculation. I don't get it. What changes? A child is forever - even if marriage isn't. Doesn't everyone think like this - or is there a point when it's considered normal to cut them loose?

As far as I can tell its the CSA who think like this at 18 or after full-time education they are expected to fend for themselves financially.
Of course a child is for life and a commitment for that length of time, some parents contribute some don't. But one thing that doesn't change is that they are still your child.

LB

Its up to the individual...I didnt recieve any financial support from my mum because she couldnt help, my father contributed in a 'like for like' fashion in regards to education costs but only after I finished my degree (he reimbursed the last year of my degree and the interest I paid on my student finance).
I have worked since I was 13, whether that was to support my horseriding, or going out with friends I did it, and I have what I consider to be a great work ethic.
I think it depends on the attitude of the child. If they 'expect' support without showing any direction then I don't agree they should get by on handouts.
But I do think if the financial means are there then of course, support them. But you have to weigh up if they are learning to be responsible with money for themselves and their own future.
I think contributing to the household with rent even if its small amount is good for the child if they are working. If you dont have to use that money then put it in an ISA and let it grow.

Im with emelle a child is for life and as such if they need support they should get it. Not money for anything but help through college etc until they find employment. A friend of mine's ex has just decided as his son is 18 he will no longer contribute to his upkeep. He is still at home and in college. What does my friend do now? Should she stop feeding and clothing him or should she kick him out now he is an adult? Where does the money come from for an eighteen tear old if he has no support from parents. If you dont want to support your kids you shouldnt have them!

It is very difficult for a student to do well at university if they are having to support themselves and not have anything much from parents, particularly if the parents' income is too high for them to get a bursary. As far as I know it's fairly easy to get child support until the end of undergraduate education written into Consent Orders in divorce.

Personally I am expecting to support my children financially throughout higher education, and that might well be beyond the undergraduate degree.

Best wishes,
Sadie

What you write is so true Sadie students do need ssome level of support and I will be supporting my children too. This year however will be a little easier has my son is on a placement year and will be earning a full time wage which will give him the chance to find out what supporting yourself will be like, though obviously I will be here to help and guide him.

This is where i think placement years are great!
And i dont think kids should just be chucked out to fend for themselves..they do need guidance. For me I had no choice, and i wouldnt change the way I went thru uni, but I also understood the value of my education.
Its one thing to support your child thru pubbing and clubbing, its another to keep a roof over their head whilst they are working towards an honours degree.