DNA testing!

Hi, Brief history... is there such a thing? Ex came and went in kids lives for 2 years then heard nothing for a year. Then got a court summons taking me to court as i had been refusing him access!! 18 months of hell in and out of court, CAFCASS etc. Ex admits to sucide attemps, a physco report was done, final hearing all he gets is indirect contact which he hasnt used for nearly a year. Life is now good for me and the kids. Then i get a letter from him out the blue, not from a solicitor, asking me to consent to a dna test to prove the boys are his? He raised this issue in Court which was discussed and dismissed by the judge. So what do I do about the letter? Nothing or reply, reply via a solicitor or tell him to write to me via a solicitor??? The kids are his for sure and i'm in no doubt of that. I don't want to subject the kids to anymore they have been through enough and are happy now. What to do? advice please!

I'm tempted to say ignore it. But it might be worth running it past a solicitor before you ignore it. If a judge has already said no, he's going to struggle to get what he wants I should think, unless you consent. How old are the children? Old enough to understand the implications of testing?

Hi, thanks for reply, I did phone my solicitor, and he said i can ignore it, or write back asking him to send it via a solicitor. I think the latter is best. Ex has had pyscho report done and is proud that he has the papers to prove he is not all there! I don't want to engage in any form of communication with him, as he has stated before he will not stop until he has destroyed me! My solicitor also said that if i do the latter and Ex writes to me again I can then persue harrassment. Why can't some people just move on grrrr! Ex is one of those people that won't take responsibility for his actions and just wants to blame everyone else! I think he is trying to get out of paying CSA!

Kids are 9 and 11, and have been through so much already with various Cafcass meetings and seeing mummy go to court. They are so happy and settled and life is normal, i just don't want anything else to upset them!

Hi..

I am so sorry to hear about the pitiful way these people behave. I am having such similar experience.

Dont ignore it as that gives them a reason to trouble you further thinking they have won and you are now afraid.

All the best!

Just ignore him. He's trying to rattle you and this is possibly the best way a man can rattle a woman - cast doubt on your integrity. If he wants a DNA test, let him go back to court for it and tell the judge why he should get what he wants now. If nothing else, it would be amusing to hear how/why a test is now necessary. Your children are old enough to know what the testing means - dad's saying mum is horrible, mum, to save herself, has to say dad is also horrible - it's lose-lose as far as I can see. Rise above it - I had this a couple of years ago, ex didn't get the test (his own fault, he didn't fill in the CSA paperwork quick enough and then a judge said 'no') and I suspect it will come back and haunt us all at some point. Not because the ex has any reason to doubt paternity, but because it somehow makes him feel better to question what I was up to when he was sleeping with the girlfriend. Idiots, the lot of 'em!

First reaction is ignore it.

But why not just agree on the grounds that he pays?

You've nothing to lose as you know he is the father and he can never throw any mud in the future about you refusing because you had something to hide.

Your boys will never think any the less of you for agreeing to it but they may one day think a lot less of him for requesting it.