Help! Partner's Ex taking advantage! :(

The CSA formula is not perfect - it links contact with maintenance

I think no matter how much we'd prefer it to be calculated, some parents would make adjustments to contact ensure they receive more/pay less

My preference is that 2 parents focus on the childs best interests and acted accordingly. However in many cases, sadly this won't happen!

To the OP - as frustrating as your situation is - is it worth the sols/legal fees and the bad feeling pursuing this may cause with the other parent to gain the extra you need?

How much pm do you think you're owed?

Its a very difficult situation

WR x

midautumnmagpie wrote:

Horrible that the kids are being talked of as commodoties.

Ghastly. I am hugely out of pocket with my daughters. Who cares? I love my kids. That is priceless. I cannot believe that you get away with posting stuff like that and anyone actually takes it seriously.

I appreciate what you're saying, but what's horrible this end is that we GENUINELY CAN'T PAY for the extra food needed at this house. If it was just a matter of being mildly inconvenienced or being a bit out of pocket, then it wouldn't be something I'd bother posting about. We are on a very tight budget as it is - when the children aren't sleeping here, we turn the heating off in the rooms that aren't being used and stay in our bedroom, just using the TV and DVD player. Three extra meals a day (very specific foods due to her autism), drinks, three extra baths a week, a CD player playing all the night through, lights left on and heating for the lounge and her room, is leaving us with problems money-wise. We were JUST balancing our books as it was.

Anyway, this is all academic as it has now been resolved - the father has agreed to cover food costs while she is here, meaning that we won't have to borrow money from my parents to pay for food.
midsummermagpie - I hope this puts our previous situation into a bit more perspective for you.

Thanks for all your advice everyone - it actually righted itself. No-one wanted or wants to go legal - but it just wasn't possible for us to carry on the way it was going. Anyway, thanks again.

Hi Paul

I do appreciate you saying what you said. I am so happy that you sorted out the money without getting into legal battles or worse.

I just feel very sad for all the kids trapped in the middle of these divorces, many of which become acrimonious.

This site seems to have distinct strands. The financial strand seems to lose sight of the human cost of divorce.

There is another side to this site, where people relay the pain of picking up pieces of their children's lives, often living in poverty. They value the kids in a way that can't be measured, and that's how they cope.

I'm not straying into this part of the site again, so no more accusations of self righteousness can be made.

Thanks anyway Paul. All the best with everything.

I think this a very difficult matter, because as someone else said, if you go via the CSA you could end up worse off. It is certainly strange that the CSA calculate payments based on how many nights a child spends with the 'other' parent, I've never understood that either because they don't eat whilst they're asleep!

Deedum asked who has the child benefit? I'm assuming it's your partner? Not that that makes much of a difference if you're struggling financially.

Because the child in question is autistic, are there any benefits related to that which she could claim? A carer's allowance perhaps? If you haven't already, claim for everything you believe you may be entitled to, you might be surprised, and even as little as £10 per week could make a huge difference.

Other than the above, I'm not sure what you can do. When you've looked at the CSA calculator, does it give a figure of more or less than what your partner is already receiving from her ex?

midsummermagpie - thanks for your response, I'd hate for anyone to think the opposite of what is actually happening, and thanks for replying!

MissTish1 - it calculated that based on a more representative split of how much we actually DO have the children, it was almost twice what he is actually paying! But it's all academic, as the money is now there to cover what we pay out extra, and my partner does not want anything more than what she feels is fair - which is how the situation now stands.

Glad you've got it sorted