Self employed ex - what counts as income

That seems a more reasonable deal, get it in writing and signed!!

lol - that's what I thought!!!

Is the loan secured on the house he is buying you with the business loan?

is his business successful? have you taken legal advice on giving up your directorship? is it the sort of business that can be sold on or is it dependent on him being around? has the business been valued?

No, the business loan will not be secured on my house - it will be secured on our current house that he will continue living in. I made it clear I did not want any charge/mortgage etc on my new home. My new house will be totally my own, with him having no say over it and nothing being loaned against it.

His business was succesful, however in the last few years it has slowed down, which is partly the current climate and partly him taking his foot off the pedal since our children were born. He does still need to be there to run it - it can't be sold as then he would have no income at all and it would take a long time to sell anyway as there is a lot of stock.

I am happy to no longer be a director so long as he supports his children still. I know that in a year or 2 when my youngest starts school I can train to be a teacher/nurse/midwife and will be able to support myself. That's if childminding doesn't take off, but chatting to other childminders, they have said it takes about a year to get really busy, so I will give the minding a fair chance until my youngest starts school - he is only 18 months at the moment, so it will be another 3 years until he starts at school.

I feel that my stbx is keen to so the best he can for our boys, but also doesn't want to be taken for a mug. I understand that, which is why as soon as I start earning decent money, I will not ask for so much from him. We really do want everything to be done as nicely as possible so that the boys aren't too badly effected by the split. I've seen a lot of my brownie and guide mum's slanging their ex's in front of their children, and it just makes me feel sorry for the children as I see their faces. I think we will manage to do this amicably if we both feel we are doing ok and not struggling while the other is doing well for themselves.

I think you should probably remove the business name as it identifies you which isn't a good thing!

You need to take advice on resigning your directorship. If the business is successful, his earnings will increase in the future and if you are aware of what is going on, you will be in a position to make sure the children get what they deserve. Please think carefully about this - there is a balance between you becoming independent and managing without him and the children getting a fair share of dad's success. If he were employed on a PAYE basis, any future wage increase could be secured through the CSA but this is a different issue and I worry that you may regret the decision at a later date.

I wasn't suggesting that the business should be sold. Rather, there are some types of business which are dependent on one person continuing with it. Other businesses can be sold on as the nuts and bolts of it are stock, machinery, buildings etc. etc. It is hard to get an idea of what a person-centred business is worth but with the other type, it is possible to get a valuation. You probably need a solicitor experienced in these issues to advise you - you could potentially lose out here.

It is good that you want to do things amicably but be careful pursuing this at the expense of your own future. A 50/50 split of capital isn't always considered fair, particularly where young children are involved. One last comment I feel I have to make is the idea that you will have to ask your ex to help out with larger items and he will decide whether he's going to help on a case by case basis. This feels very controlling to me. Is he involved with anyone else at the moment? If not, do be aware that new partners getting in on the scene can change amicable situations dramatically for the worse very quickly. You do need to think long term here.

No, there are no other people on the scene at the moment.

I will look into what to do about the business. I think I'm entitled to legal aid, based on what the solicitor I saw last week said, so I'll go down that route, just to find out about the business stuff.

Thanks to all of you for your advice.

Katy x