Is anyone in the same position as me?

Thanks Fiona, I will have a look at that.

Mwapphet, CSA have told me the only way to do anything about it is to appeal the Child Benefit decision because they just base everything on child benefit or I can appeal to the better nature of my stbx and ask him to make payments for the third child. Every time I call them I seem to get a different answer. Does your partner pay CSA for all three even though he gets CB for one?

My BF pays CM for two children but was told by CSA if his ex appealed this would be overturned as CSA is based on the amount of nights the children stay with each parent.

My original comment did say we are dealing with the CSA so you can expect several different answers to the same problem I''m afraid.

We have a very acrimonious relationship with his ex and if she only put the children first we would not be in this predicament at all. I think my BF has been extremely fair throughout and had tried to meet half way several times but meeting in the middle was an incomprehensible possibility for his ex.

How is communication with your ex, if he won''t pay the extra CM would he contribute to activities. My BF pays for activities for all three children in addition to what they do with mummy in her time.

Given everything that we have had to go through to get where we are and the substantial amount of court costs we have had to pay (in excess of £25k) my BF will not give his ex anymore than he absolutely has to. The children will NOT miss out as he meets their needs but will NOT put money in exes hands.

It really frustrates me that the system can be played so easily if you know what to do. Surely it should just be fair, the CM contributions are for the children not the parent yet someone can get away with not paying it just because they dont like their ex. Sorry frustrations showing!!

My ex and I do not have a good relationship and I doubt he would pay if I asked, I will try though. He just seems to be pleased he got one over on me by not having to pay for all three children and doesnt seem to have the childrens best interests at heart.

Do you know what really makes me angry in all of this (as I am caught up in a similar battle) - a lot of this is about point scoring and who can gain the odd buck or one over on the other. What about the children in all this!!!!!!!!! At the end of the day, their needs shouls be met. Regardless of what some government institution says. FAIRLY!!!! Not by defrauding your wages so you have to pay less to RP or claiming child benefit for some gain or point scoring. The children should be provided for by both parents.

I get really frustrated reading this, because I can see from both angles and am caught up in similar myself.

Survive
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Survive, I can hear your frustration in your comment, I too just want it to be fair on the children. I''m not opposed to my ex having some of the child benefit, he looks after them as well when they are with him.

When I find work I will be able to stand on my own two feet and won''t need the CM payments hopefully but at the moment I do need them to provide for the children, just everyday stuff like shoes and coats, school trips and costs cost enough, then out of school clubs, etc. Even £20 a week makes a huge difference.

I agree with the reduction for having the children some of the time, but my ex seems to have used the system to avoid paying altogether. He hasn''t asked me if I need the money or not to support the children, I have asked him for contributions towards the cost of things out of the ordinary and he has refused point blank.

I can so relate to what you are saying. As I too have asked my stbx countless times for half a contribution towards school residentials, clubs and activites (which for 3 mounts up), although I have cancelled one now due to him not contributing. I have even said if he wants to pay directly (as I know some exex think the other party is using the money of themselves) but No he won''t contribute anything extra. Why won''t these greedy people realise, that children cost money. And that most children nowadays cost more than a house, clothes and food.

I think that thwy think by not paying it is taking more money from us effectively as we either then pay for it all or not as the case may be.

Survive
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