Maintainance to end of childs education

Hi,
Question re CM obligation to adult 'children'. Is CSM not payable from the non-resident parent to the primary with care? How can it be that a 20+ 'child' can still be considered a child when they are traveling on their own, living on their own, working on their own- seems to me that there is no 'primary with care' in these circumstances and that if there are any financial obligations towards maintenance then they should apply equally to both parents. Something is not right about being required to soley provide CM support to an adult child ONLY because when they were younger you were the non-resident parent.

At the time top up tuition fees was being banded about a certain discredited PM was repeatedly reassuring us that there was "NO parental contribution" but then he was a liar.

Look at it from the other perspective, I have to fund my kids through uni so why shouldn't I ask for help from stbx, I'm sure he'll quite happily help fund any new kids he has with new parter through education so why shouldn't he help out with his current kids?

We had grants when at uni but there are loans and no free uni, fees are huge. I really don't wany my kids starting life in their early 20's with 15k debt, even if they do work and study they cannot earn enough - look at halls of residence fees too and £600 in books? Also have you thought about weddings, if dads don't want to pay for their kids education what'll happen when it comes to weddings, or do the dads just want to stop being dads at 18?

Come on dads look at the bigger picture, if you were all still a family you would be paying for your kids, don't mix feelings to ex's with kids finances.

Ok will prob get abuse now but thought a different viewpoint would be good:-)

Hi,
the issue with me is that I be legally obligated to pay. Of course I will do what I can for my children and want the best for them. How can there be a 'primary with care' for an adult 20+ ?? It doesn't make sense. A look at the 'other side' would be a father who has been alienated from his children by an ex who refused access, all except for a monthly cheque. THe children have no relationship with the father - not his choice - and now want to force him to pay when they are grown up adults? All this father ever was was a paycheque?
I'm sorry but if thats the case we are contributing towards developing a 'hand out' culture where the responsibility for our care is up to others to provide.

Claire,

I agree. Our children are our children. Forever. Whether they are 18 or 38, if they need help and I can give it I will.

If I wasn't bringing up 3 children with no financial help from stbx, I expect I could have a pretty nice lifestyle. As it is I have three warm, funny and feisty young women for company now .. and in the future. Have just sorted out accommodation at Uni for my eldest ... £4k for the year for a place in halls .. and that is without tuition fees, books, subsistence etc. It is a very differentworld to that when there were full maintenance grants and you could even save up if you were careful with your money at Uni. Yes, there is some help available - but nothing like it used to be.

Our children really are the future .. and this is about so much more than money.

Hadenoughnow

Huska, re' primary care for a uni student.

Speak to people whose kids are there. Driving across the country at 3am, washing home at weekends if closer, students are home 1mth xmas, 3 weeks end jan and start feb for reading weeks, 1 mth easter, lectures finish end May and then reading weeks and exams, lectures start in Oct,having to go pick up, fix things, go up and deal with accom probs, mop up tears, phone calls non stop when they re home sick. I was uni based until recently for a couple days a week and I am not looking forward to parenting a uni student, it looks so tough. I just saw and heard what the freshers were like and how much they still needed the 'primary carer'. My daughter needs more support at 18 and entering the real world than she did as a little one. It's more emotional and financial now rather. God I spent an entire day with her last week showing herr how to open adult back account and talk about money management. Things that dads who are not resident don't see. I'm sorry for anyone who didn't get access to their kids, I have the other way round, eg he can't do sundays with them as he pays golf!!!!!!!!!! But you can't let them down what ever age, even if it is bank of pops. If you had kids you should ensure they get what they need, going to uni isn't fostering a hand out culture it's necesary education for those with a brain. My father didn't pay for me to go but paid for my much younger half brother and sister - now that is why i don't see him!

Everyone has their own story and circumstances. You sound like a very involved mother. I will also do whatever I can for my children but I really take exception to a court telling me that I must! I also paid my own way through Uni, not because my Dad wouldn't - parents not divorced - but because he couldn't - no money. I worked my ass off, and nobody gave me anything. I oned my own bank account, and did my own washing - why wouldn't I, I was an adult. It was hard, but good for me. I learned - but thankfully at least I had emotional support from parents. As I said, I will help my children as much as I can without a court telling me.