Working out finances

Under the Family Law (Scotland) Act 1985 there is a general obligation to provide support "as is reasonable in the circumstances" by a husband and wife to each other, a natural parent to their child and a person to a child who has been accepted by him as a child of his family.

Paying child support is a given, I''m afraid, regardless of your other outgoings. IF all she has asked for if CM for your own child, then that is not unreasonable. As far as I know, the CSA will only accept mortgage payments in lieu of cm payments if the child/children are living in the house on which the mortgage is being paid. Her own income is not taken into account, as the CSA only take into account the NRP''s income.

As you are "enjoying" sole occupancy of the house, its not unreasonable for you to pay the entire mortgage - if she paid half, she could charge you "rent" for occupying her share of the property.

If by the time the house is sold, and there is no agreement on the split of the equity, the funds would be placed into a holding account, and only divided once a proper agreement was in place, so is there a hurry to sell the house without such an agreement, from your perspective - as you wouldn''t necessarily have immediate access to the funds.

Assets in Scotland are usually split on a "fairly even" basis, with only those assets accrued during the duration of the marriage being classed as marital - with the exception of gifts and inheritances. This should give you a good starting point for determining your offer of the financial division, and I would suggest that you put to one side the fact that it was she who instigated the end of the marriage, as this has no bearing on the finances.

As I have said, I am quite willing to pay her maintenance, but at the moment £300 a month would cripple me. And she knows that. She can claim hardship all she wants, its not stopping her going out on the lash with her sister. Or buying gig tickets like their going out of fashion.

I checked the calculator for the CSA and they say I have to pay £250 a month, not £300. And At the moment I think I can afford maybe £150, until the insurance gets cancelled then.... I can afford the £250. Her stalling, which is really par for the course at the moment, is preventing me from getting my finances sorted to pay the money grabbing loon what she wants.

Also bear in mind that once I do pay her what she wants then she will have a higher disposable income than I do. And I work full time, in a job that is regarded as well paid, compared to her working 24 hours a week in a fairly low paid job.

I am NOT trying to avoid my responsibilities. I am trying not to be screwed by a psycho who is to blame for all this mess in to first place.

Anyway, at least she has agreed on an estate agent. Which only took 2 months. And she is still arguing about trivial nonsense and not dealing with the big stuff.

I have to say that I was a bit disappointed that she decided to go after my pension, especially as she said "I wouldnt do that", though to be honest she has done just about every nasty thing that she said she wouldnt so far. But hey ho, I''ll go after hers too. She may get a small pay out for it, but I am going to make it as little as possible. No more mr nice guy as Alice Cooper once said.

could you not apply to the courts for shared residency/joint custody of the child. If you get it, you could then start the family friendly scheme at your work?

I am trying to do things in a fair and positive way. Not an easy task when she is being deliberately obstructive, not doing anything to move things forward.

I am always willing to talk, to reach a suitable comprimise, however she is not. She is just issuing demands. I have conceded to most of them if I thought they were reasonable, and stood my ground on one or two issues that were rediculous. All of which I sure she thinks is ME being obstructive.

It is me that has had to get the house valued, me that had to chase her to agree to the sale, me that had to chase her to get her to agree on an estate agent. And of course it will be me who has to pay for it all. Though half of the costs will be taken from her share of the sale. I just need to get receipts for everything.

She has finally agreed to cancel the joint life insurance policy. That will save me £85 a month, though that will go to paying maintenance, meaning I can at least have a chance of paying it.

That is a huge weight off my mind. Now of course she will need to get her own life insurance, though that is hardly my problem.