Help with a 6 year old

Just a short introduction before I start the question and advice that I require.

I split with my wife 2 years ago and officially divorced just over 12 months ago. I have a 6 year old boy and a 3 year old girl.

As a 4 year old my son was a happy little boy who was 100% a 'daddys boy' He excelled in everything and was years beyond his actual age. I have just been to a parents evening at school and told that he is falling behind and that he does not fit the system and is underachieving. I was told that would would hear this alot throughout his school life as he has the ability but not the interest.

My ex now beleives that home schooling is the best way forward which I totally disagree.

I have both kids each and every weekend. We have a great time and their is always tears when they have to go back to mum. Even my 3 year old daughter has asked to live with me, which I find strange as i firmluy understand that children always want their mother My kids dont, and never have. She has moved house 4 times in the last 18 months. My son moved school 12 months ago and now they have moved back thus causing further disruption and unhappiness.

She is totally deluded with the idea that she is the greatest mother in the world when her actions dont back up her claims.

There is so much I can say but I need some kind of advice as to what my options are. I beleive he would thrive if he came to live with me and be at a school which is OSTED a lot better than his present one.

She has kicked off big time about the whole situation and this is something I can do without. All i want is for my 6 year old son to be happy.

Your thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

Hi

its little wonder your son is sadly falling behind at school - 4 different houses in 18 months, plus twice changing schools within a 12 month period. Children need stability - as far as is possible, and it seems as though your son (and daughter) have been through the mill.

Home Schooling has its place - I home educated my daughter when her school refused to recognise her learning difficulties and would not facilitate any kind of support for her, educating her at home was my last and only option for her. Boy did I have to some severe hoop-jumping to gain premission to remove her from the LEA and prove that I was capable as an education facilitator - I had to allow home visists, attend meetinfs, keep a daily diary of her activities, which was checked upon every few weeks. As a father with Parental responsiblility, your thoughts and views on any move regarding your children's education should be taken into account - you could also express your own concerns re the home-ed to the LEA (local education authority).

In the meantime,keep the routine and stability they have with you during your time with them, they need this. Have you looked into the children living with you?

Keep us updated?

Take Care

Ruby

Hi Ruby thanks for your reply.

Yes I would love the children to live with me and I would do anything for this to happen. I rang her to say that I wasnt blaming anyone for the situation but as his father I felyt it was my duty to try and help and that I think he would benefit from coming to live with me. I have had 4 emails today from the sublime to the rediculous, slagging me at every opportunity and painting a picture of her being some kind of super mum.
4 house moves and 2 schools, plus a new bloke moving in and her impending new baby I think enough is enough and I must make a stand.

This is not personal against her. It is for the good of my son.

4 house moves and 2 schools, plus a new bloke moving in and her impending new baby I think enough is enough and I must make a stand.

This is not personal against her. It is for the good of my son.

I completley agree - sounds like your children,and your son in particular have had an awful lot to try to cope with, and the home situation is now affecting his schooling.

Im not sure what else I can add, except that it is apparent that you have your childrens' best interests at the forefront and I wish you luck.

Ruby

I think your children have had a lot to deal with and the changing of schools/houses is never easy..all children crave stability and proposing to move them again to your house/new different school could just add to that.

Children I find tend to want whatever parent is giving at that moment in time...my 7yr loves daddy being about at weekends as he knows crisps and constant entertainment are on the agenda..not always possible when you have a busy house hold to run (and am saying from my household point of view not implying that's the case in all families)

We all like to think our parenting style is superb, sadly often not the case but generally most tend to act in the children's best interests..

Have you tried liasin with the school, our school offer an excelled learning programme (which my 7yr old on) and also a programme to help children with extra tuition/rewards scheme if they are falling behind

Please try and talk to your wife/put in an email your concerns..the blame game is never a way to progress forward with children..they end up in the middle and everyone loses..particularly them.

I don't mean any of the above in a hard way, just saying things the way I see them

I hope that you have success in resolving some of the issues

Puds xx

Hi sgutt

You have my sympathy... 'tis very hard to watch a situation in frustration and feel that you need to do something...

Of course, as others have said, the constant moving about will have undermined the confidence of your little boy because yes, he needs stability. Given the comments you made about the contents of your ex's emails - it seems that she does not view you favourably. Children can pick this up easily without even understanding it.

I have seen this situation from all sides (I divorced with 1 and 3 yr olds and I am a head of year in school) and none of them are pretty.

As far as your ex wants to tutor at home (and, as an educator, I fully endorse ruby's view!) I would instinctively fear this. I don't think it would be at all the right solution for the moment. I think your son needs to be with other children, he needs his peer group. There is much for him to learn in school - and not all of it academic.

I spend much of my time during the week working with disengaged and disaffected children (though I teach in secondary school) and divorce is not the only reason this occurs by far, though it would seem to be the most common. In my experience sgutt, the children suffer most where parents cannot communicate with each other (whether together or not!) and this often reflects itself in school. School is the one place that children feel they have some control, ironically, and for that reason often 'act out' there - whilst remaining well-behaved at home. Not that I am suggesting this is the case for you.

Your son clearly needs to be supported. By all of you. Ideally, I would find a solution between the two of you that you can both commit to and work together on. This would give your son a great deal in confidence and stability.

However, I recognise that life is far from ideal... been there, done that.

There are no magic answers for you. You have a strong case for requesting residence and this is one solution. She also has a strong case in wanting to continue in that role and that would be another. Only the two of you can resolve that one unless you go via the courts. That would be a third solution.

For myself... I don't do advice - no one is equipped to give you that really. What would I do in your situation? I would fight (hard) against home tuition. I would keep him in school, I would visit/contact school as regularly as is appropriate. I would talk to him, find as many interesting ways as possible in engaging his interest in education, I would help him to discover his own self-worth.

Have the school offered any support/advice?

Keep talking to us here... there is a wealth of experience in this community to help you.

Good luck

Shezi

Thanks Shezi for your very kind and supportive views.

I was somewhat confused with the teacher. In September he was seen to be way above the average and still is. We even talked about about him going to a school of excellence (sorry cant think of the exact name) but my ex was against this as she felt it would alienate him with the other kids. I got involved with the school as in the teachers words he 'didnt fit in'. He was very unhappy in himself but we all agreed that it was probably because he didnt want to come back to that school and we would give him time to settle. A few months on I am now told that he is not fullfilling his potential and she see's the future as being one of him just 'getting by'.

I suggested that he came to live with me, something he asked asked to do and go to school with his other cousins. One is his own age and they are best of friends (more like brothers). I feel that he would settle quickly because they would be able to 'look after him'. I understand this is not the ideal situation. My ex has a 9 year old, and we had 2 other children when we were together. In addition she is again pregnant. I could say lots of things but this is not the issue. The issue is my 6 year old son, his happiness and wellbeing.

Home schooling will not happen. I feel it is more important for him to learn social skills than educational ones at this moment.

My ex thinks this is about me getting the children. It is not. It is about the well being of a little boy who needs help.