Am I depressed or is this normal?

I am going through a really difficult time at the moment -it just feels as though everything is falling apart since my divorce. My manager has been unsupportive, my 26-year old daughter seems uninterested in seeing me or her grandparents, I have only a few close friends and I''m lonely. I love dancing salsa but my old salsa pals have stopped going and I feel self-conscious going to salsa clubs alone which just emphasises my alone-ness. I feel as though everything has fallen apart. it''s not even as though I stopped socialising when I was married - I regularly went dancing or met a friend for a drink while married.
But it feels deeper than that - I feel deficient somehow as a person. I am quite introverted and a bit dreamy so maybe I come across as unfriendly or boring although I do have a good sense of humour, am a very good listener and always there for my friends. But I feel as though nobody wants what I have to offer. I''m sorry, this sounds like a self-pitying rant but I really feel as though I am in some sort of major crisis. I feel like running away, but "wherever you go, there you are."
I have had therapy at several points over the years, but I can''t really change who I am. Any advice or similar experiences would be very welcome.

You are feeling depressed. That''s normal. Just not nice.

You say you can''t change who you are. But you can change your outlook. You think your daughter is uninterested in seeing you. Maybe she is. But she''s 26. When you were 26 were you more interested in seeing your Mum or your friends? Maybe she feels overwhelmed as she thinks you want her support and she is finding the situation difficult. You''re finding it difficult, so I am sure she is too!

Don''t rely on other people to make you feel better. That''s your job. I do know what you are saying - been there. I thought both my sons seemed a bit distant when my marriage broke up. I think they were embarrassed. No matter.

Maybe you aren''t getting invitations - so give some! I found most of my friends are only too thrilled that someone else is going to make the effort to book a restaurant or order cinema tickets. Or go on your own. I am quite happy to go to events on my own. I don''t have to wait for anyone else and I usually find other people happy to talk to me when I get there without me feeling committed to them.

When I feel down - and I do - I often put on some jolly music and dance about on my own. Why not? Or I do something energeti like vacuuming. It helps to move about and I end up with a tidier house.

You can''t run away - you will just take your dissatisfactions and worries with you. But you can choose what you think about.

I''ve found Mindfulness very helpful when I''m feeling blue or stressed.

It also helps, if you are feeling self-critical to imagine what you would say to a friend who told you they felt like you do. You''d be kind and supportive. So be kind and supportive to yourself.

Thanks for your reply Nell. I really am trying, I do dance around the house and have started going to new dance classes, go to the gym, arrange things with friends etc. I have kept a gratitude journal, read lots of books, etc... It''s just that at the moment it really feels as though I am struggling uphill in strong winds!
I do know what you''re saying about my daughter, I have not tried to lean on her at all but as you say, she is just more interested in her friends at the moment. But it''s still painful as I feel I have lost two people I loved in the last year.
We were only married for 5 years so I thought it wouldn''t take too long to put it all behind me, but I suppose it will take as long as it takes...
I have been thinking of doing a little Mindfulness course, so thanks for the reminder!

Big hugs, I dont think I will ever come to terms with the " aloneness". Went out with some girlfriends last night, had a great night. Danced and sang til my feet were raw. Got a taxi home, the first taxi I have ever been in. Put the key in the door, my two dogs hugged me and loved me, but the house was cold and empty.
Nothing is going to make that feeling go away.
keep plodding, we will get out the other side.

Lizzie it''s all about finding yourself again,yes it''s hard,but everything worth having is worth fighting for,and your fighting for yourself..and believe me your worth that fight...

You don''t have to change the person you are,to match what you think others want,you say your introverted and dreamy,so what?I am extroverted but not so dreamy:dry: But if others don''t like who I am,that''s for them to deal with not me...
You have friends who obviously think that your worthy of their friendship.

The loneliness is something we all went through,and until we start to find ourselves we have to endure it,actually I can say that those last few months when it was going pear shaped I was at my loneliest,and I suppose that there are many other couples who are the same,still together but very lonely in their marriages.

lizzie your going through a period of readjustment,and you have to find out what you want for yourself,who you want to be...
That journey can be difficult for some but easier for others,we are not all clones,and we have to do things our way,and your finding some happiness in your dancing,carry on doing this,it will help.One thing I would ask of you though,please talk to someone,a good friend or your gp,I think you may need a little help in finding yourself...

Take care hun
Cwtchs
Afon Xx

Ah thanks itsbeen. I''m glad you had a good night! Pets do help, I couldn''t have coped half as well without my little cat. As you say, we will keep on until we get there. It''s hard sometimes but thank goodness for Wiki.
Hugs xx

Thanks so much for your reply Afon. That''s it - I am trying to find myself, who I am now. I think I underestimated how much the divorce would affect me as I was happily single for many years before meeting my ex. It feels like a mid-life crisis - not helped by menopause!! My self esteem has also taken more of a battering than I realised... I think maybe I do need a bit more counselling (had 10 sessions through the GP but it wasn''t really enough).
Hugs Xx