New member

Hi, i,m new to this site and wanted to say hi.

I have recently had the shock of finding out that my husband is having an affair with a lady at work. We had been married for 9 years together for 12, we were both married before, i have children from my first marriage. My husband had two affairs during his first marriage and has had flirtations with women during our time together( i,ve heard phone message that have been on his mob).

We have had problems for a year or so, but he always instisted our marriage was no different from anybody elses and 'he loved me to death', but whilst cooking tea 3 months ago i seen him writing an email and he clicked over when he saw me coming after insisting on seeing it, it turn out to be this married woman at work.

I asked him to leave and hell began, he has been horrid to my children from my first marriage and told then he was fed up with them. he even tried dicussing our sex life with one of my daughters!

We have one daughter together which we agreed we would have even though i was in my early fourties. I adore her.

But after saying this lady decided not to leave her husband, she has started turning up outside with my husband(even though she lives the other side of the country) and without me knowing my 8 year old daughter spent the weekend with her.
I am devasted as we have been forced to move into rented accomodation, i was a foster carer and had to give that up to concentrate on my own children.
He rings and gloats that we are now on benifits and he has 'put me in the gutter'.
I am a mess at the moment although i wont allow him to see that.
My daughter is very emotional as you can understand, i have explained that i feel its to early to introduce her to this person and she has to mend from all that has happened, but he take no notice.

Any advice please

Ali [img] [img]

Hi Ali

Very sorry to here your situation. It is so difficult at first when you find out you have been betrayed, and then the experience of your ex suddenly treating you like dirt.

You do need to stay strong, both for the sake of your children and for you. This will probably confuse your ex. After my wife's affair and her leaving I worked out that what got her back up was me getting on with my life and not moping about. She would then try to provoke me by ringing up and picking a fight....She still does it sometimes even a year down the line, but it has very little affect on me now.

I think the best advice at this stage is to look at it like a rollercoaster, you will have some bad days where you feel low, and there is no rhyme or reason as to why. Then you will have a day on the up when you feel great. Try to live for today, do not look back at the past, or worry to much what the future brings.....What will happen will happen, and it is how you deal with it when it happens that counts.

Take care

S

Firstly the woman he is having an affair with isn't a lady.

Right now I know how hurt you are and how awful things must be, but try to put your emotions to one side. When your husband phones to gloat hang up.

Don't give him any opportunities to get to you.

He will have to stump up some proper money for you eventually, and you will rebuild a better life without him. Try to focus on that.

Thanks everyone, trying to keep my chin up and get on with it. Been for a run today and had tears running down my face, but please i was doing something for me. I,ll get to the end of the tunnel.

butter

NRN is spot on - chin up!

dd

too right, he is not worth anything more than pounding into the ground with every step!

Hi Ali welcome to wikivorce:)

I'm so sorry you are in this situation. There are lots of people here who are where you are, or have been there and moved forward. You will find lots of support in this lovely community.

Take care

Shezi