help violent husband wants full custody

Hi not sure who else to ask, I apologise for it being so long.

I have left my husband due to violence, it went on for years then i vowed if it happened again i was leaving, which obviously it did, my daughter got caught in the cross fire so as soon as i found somewhere else to live i went, he is totally not accepting it totally deniying he did anything wrong and is putting all the blame onto me which he always has done, he was both mentally and physical, but the mental abusive was constant, and always in front of the children.

He accusing me of just wanting the kids for money, of which he is not giving me any, and he is trying to say im not in the right frame of mind to look after them, hormones apparently, i have been more then geneours in letting him see them, so as not to disrupt their world too much after moving and getting used to their parents living apart, he takes them to school every day and has them all weekend every other week then one night a week the following week, which he claimed as being totally unreasonable as he wanted them all weekend every weekend as well as taking them to school.

he is now saying im well out of order as i wont meet up with him (last time he came in my house he started throwing his weight around and scaring kids by taking their clothe out of wardrobe and saying they were going home with him) I refuse to due to him being violent and abusive when he dosen't get his own way. He is now telling me that he wont be bringing kids back after having them for a few days (he is due to pick them up tonight) and saying he will see his solicitor for full custody, im not sure what to do, i dont want them to go now but i am worried how he will be when he comes to get them, i dont have family nearby, i thought of going to a friends but not sure whether he would turn up their, sorry for being so long and drawn out but really dont know what to do.

Hi emmey,

It is a little unclear whether ex has been violent to kids- and is he still threatening you?
I think you need some serious help here, from a solicitor and the police.It really wont do that your ex continues in this aggressive and controlling way- this has got to be sorted, and I can well understand your feelings of helplessness.
Your ex thinks he can bully, threaten and control you. Is there a safe place you can take the kids now, which he does not know about? I think, under the circumstances, you are right to be concerned about letting him take your kids on this occasion.
In my opinion, you should get away with the kids somewhere safe, then contact your local police and a solicitor for emergency advice. You could also speak to your closest Women's Refuge for advice.
Good Luck, keep posting for support and advice.

Hi emmey

I agree with constanza, you need real support here. I was in a similar situation with aggressive behaviour continuing after separation. When my ex got angry on a contact visit (I was living with my parents and he was still in MH), he simply picked up one of the children (3 yrs) and locked her in his car to come back for the other (1 yr). Thanks to my dad physcally putting himself in the way, he didn't get our son and the police were called. Although the police prevented him from getting into the house or anywhere near me, what they couldn't do was make him return our daughter. Since there was no court order in place, the police couldn't act other than to prevent him from taking further action. I was advised to get into court asap for an interim residency order. It took 3 days, at which point the judge ordered him to return our daughter to me. You can imagine her trauma through it all.

The contact arrangements you have in place sound very reasonable. That he takes them to school daily is a lot more contact than many have. But to be perfectly frank, I don't think his complaints have very much to do with contact / children or money - I think his anger is more to do with you taking control of your own life and thereby removing yourself from his control.

If your ex is anything like mine, this could go on for years emmey - I would urge you to get some legal advice to put your arrangements into a more formal context. In the meantime, I would talk to your local police and explain the reasons for your concerns this evening and ask their advice. If it is at all possible to have someone with you when your ex arrives, all the better.

Good luck

Shezi

Hi thanks for your replys, he wasnt violent to eldest (9) but he got himself worked up over something minor and threw his tea whilst sitting at table which landed in hers and hot tea landed on her which burnt her, thankfully not seriously, to which he then attacked me in front of youngest (6), which was the last straw, i am only now starting to realise how fully he controlled my life, there were always bits i picked up on, not letting me have nights out without him, i know a lot of it is him realising he has no control over our lives anymore, he is constantly putting all the blame on me, thankfully i have friends who are very supportive, one of which made me go round to hers incase he turned up, as the day has gone on he has backtracked on what he said this morning but the trust of him taking the kids has now gone so i will be seeing a solicitor on tues hopefully which he now doesnt want me to do, but after what he said this morning i cant ignore the situation anymore, i have decided, probably wrongly to let him see the kids tomorrow, just for their sake as they wont see him for rest of week with it being school hols, sorry to go on again

hi

if you have a good catologue of proof when it it comes to court he will be in a world of hurt.You need to build a constructive clear case against him photos etc docs appointments any medical admissions that he caused upon you or your children,proof of excessive drinking/abuse etc.

the very best of luck with this monster

regards

toto1978

he was too clever for that so unfotunatly i have no evidence, only part of him that was clever

actually it is all very hard to prove that he is linked to any attacks unless you have witnesses