Hi - just signed on. How good is mediation?

Hi Enyo,

I've only done it once but it worked out for me - you and your ex2b will have to give full financial disclosure and be prepared to put everything on the table.

I went through about 6 * 2 hour sessions but it is very dependant upon personal circumstances and the number of issues you need to agree on.

In my case it was certainly cheaper than letting the solicitors slug it out. The sessions I went through were not always easy and I never relished turning up to hear what my ex believed she was entitled to, however, better hear it from her directly than from her solicitor and at least you can engage in some discussion.

If you decide to go down the route then good luck.

Regards,
Yoda

Help. I have not spoken or seen my wife for months following her adultery, which has turned my life and that of my two boys upside down.
I am angry and bitter, but she now wants me to attend mediation. How on earth do I sit in the same room with someone I truly despise and in my eyes is no longer my wife?

Please help me.
Brunswick.

mediation is good, you need to sort things out, at the time it may seem hard and alot of work, just make sure you have all the things that you need when you go if you are honest and open you will get a lot more out of it, you need to remember that there are children in volved as well so you need to take them into account when dealing with all that is going on, good luck, it is worth doing this

my ex also commited adultery and it was hard to face him, but i did it for our son and so that i could get on with my life, dont let her take you and your boys life away, sort this out with her and then try to get on with your life and enjoy it with out someone who to be honest really dose'nt deserve you. remember that you are doing it for your boys, good luck

Hi Brunswick,

The reason that I was ever attended mediation was because of my ex's affair. I'd supported her financally for years and never once asked her to go to work! And now she wanted as much as she could get.....

I mention it because perhaps ny earlier post made it sound a little too easy.

The process I followed was this;-
Psyche yourself up for each meeting
Arrive, take a deep breathe and walk through the door with head held high
Remain focussed on the matter being discussed and don't get drawn. I'd grit my teeth when I heard her say things that impacted my position in a big way (like her saying that she should keep the house for the sake of the children)!!!
You then 'as calmly as possible' state your position to the mediator even though the blood is rushing your veins at 100mph!!!!

My ex was on legal Aid and I was paying - talk about rubbing salt in an open wound! She was off to live with her new partner who was on a salary in excess of £100k pa and I was being stripped clean!

Sorry Brunsick, I'm not trying to sound clever. What I'm trying to convey is that it's hard work in those circumstances.

I look back and I'm so pleased that at least I maintained my dignity through the whole thing and I really do believe I came out a stronger person.

I also agree with Angels comments so if you do it, do it for your boys and good luck, whatever it is you choose to do!

Yoda

Yoda is right, the only way I got through it was treating it as a business meeting and she was just another client.
The mediators were very impartial, although it didnt seem it at the time.
Ours was a trained in councilling so could easily calm situations when discussion got heated.

Hope you get through it and all the best of British to you

Hi Brunswick,
It may be that she wants to mediate in the hope that she can get you to agree to a better deal for her, and avoid her (possibly) weak position (because of her adultery) should it all go through solicitors. Remember you can break off mediation at any time - though it will probably end up being the cheaper option. I suspect you are in a strong position and so you should use that to your advantage - maybe don't get mad, just get even!