confused and dazed....

Thank you for all your feed back. There is always negative and positive in everything we choose to do.
I probably didn't give you enough facts of the situation for you to fully understand why I left and can appreciate that this probably looks motiveless. I can assure you its not.
Yes I do carry a lot of guilt around knowing that I made the decision to leave and I am still inflicting hurt on my family.
However I do feel in the long term I am doing the right thing. Before I left our life was one long battle, a constant argument that never ended. Day in, day out...bickering, argueing, and neither of us should stay in a relationship like that.
In response to a question raised in an above post, No my wife does not neglect me for the children, the complete opposite as a matter of fact. She does not want to spend family time together, but would rather just go out socialising and tried to palm the children off to parents and inlaws or to me so she can lead the life she desires.
Family holidays, to her, need to include our parents so that she can have time away from the children to relax and unwind. To her the children are a burden. To me they are everything.
We both attended our second marriage guidance session yesterday, which once again ended in more bickering and heated words. I will attend a few more sessions but still cannot see how this will change anything.
I understand that you are only hearing my side of the story here and for that I also understand that all comments made to my post will reflect that fact and I am grateful to all that responded.
I also do not want to start laying blame on either of us. We are both to blame and as far as I can see it will be the children that will suffer the most and that is the part that hurts me the most.
I thought that by seeing the children daily they would not be as unsettled by the things that are going on. From what you have said I am now not sure on this but still want to see the children as much as I can.
It is very hard not having someone I can talk to about this.

JJ
I can't quite understand y u r so down on the counselling.
It can be a difficult and emotional process but I am concerned that u say u r not interested in giving it a try.
It seems to me that its in both of your interests to explore y u feel as u do. It will help you both.

Have u asked your wife whether she wants the children full time?

JimJam,

Thanks for taking the time to post more especially at a time when your heart is breaking and your head is spinning like a merry-go-round. You are in the right place here at Wiki and I was pleased to see you had gone to marriage counselling. There clearly are differences between you and your wife but is she not a better mother for having time away from the children or do you feel that she would rather be young free and single again ? You have got people to talk to Jim Jam albeit cyber friends. I do feel though that you can't "play" married but be single that will be even more confusing for the children as they get older. Better to be friendly parents than resentful parents anyday. Keep your chin up.

be truthful and honest to yourself and to your wife, even though you dont want to feel like that!

From the point of view of someone who was on the receiving end of "I don't love you anymore" - this is my advice.

Try counselling. It may give your both a second chance - it can be very easy for couples for drift away, especially with kids. If you can't reconcile then you will both be able to say your piece and this may help your wife understand. You will need to face it that she will be very angry with you and this is something you need to deal with.

With me - it became very clear that we couldn't make a go of it - so we got divorced. Today I am happy as Larry.

Jimmy Jam, We are all here to help advise and listen and get advise from others, you should never feel on your own and im sure im not alone in saying if you ever want to let off steam or talk in more detail if Im ever online when you are we can pop into a chat room and thrash it out, just rememeber you have to live with the decisions you make, and as time goes on you will change your mind on a what you originally thought was the right way to handle this, dont be afraid to admit when your not right or stick to your guns out of stubbonness, right now there is a great deal of pain floating about and im sure most divorced couples experience every emtotion under the sun during their divorce. Dont have knee jerk reactions to things always put the kids first, they are stronger than you may think.
best wishes hostee