Thinking about leaving my husband

Hi there,
I am new to this site, and I could do with a bit of advice. I have been married for 7 years and together with him for nearly 10 yrs. The thing is I am no longer in love with him. It isnt a sudden decision just something has recently happened to make me realise that life with my husband is not right for me.

Many people over the years have commented that I am 2 different people, one person when am with my husband and another when without him, I tend to refer to these persons as shellfish (mummy and wife mode) and sharkfish (the real me, chatty, bubbly, flirty and fun). I find that when I am with my husband I feel I cant relax and be the real me as I feel he disapproves of me and how I am. This comes out with how he talks to me and acts towards me and has had a very negative impact on our relationship.

Also he has a very bad attitude towards our kids, he is not a natural father and as such shouts a lot and is always questionning my judgement towards them. When the kids are crying or misbehaving I get no support, all I get is about how he can't cope with their behaviour. After nearly 5 years of his not coping, I can no longer cope with him and I am seriously considering leaving him as my love for him has been steadily eroded over the years. I am not saying I am a perfect person by any stretch of the imagination, but I do feel I owe it to myself to be happy and to be me, rather than someone I am not. As my husband is in the forces it has enabled me to have some time apart from him, and I have to say I find life so much easier and stress free when he is not here, the kids are better behaved and I am happier.

So I guess what I want from you guys is some advice from anyone who has been in a similar position.

Hope to hear soon.

Hi Shellfish26,

Welcome to this site.

Can you talk to your husband about how you feel? Have you tried counselling? This may help you.
Good luck

Hi Shellfish26,
Welcome to the site i have PM'd you.

I havent spoken to my husbaand this time round, but did a couple of years ago and he said he would try and be better with the kids and not to treat me like crap, but sadly it hasnt happened and I can not go on with it anymore, any feelings I used to have for him have been eroded away and I am left feeling empty inside. It is a horrible feeling and I really wish I could change it for my kids sakes, but I feel I have to be true to me and try and make myself happy. Just not quite sure how to do that as yet!! Not sure if counselling is for me, but it might be worth a try!!

If there is any chance that you still have feelings for each other then I tihnk that you need to try! What was it that made you marry? Also what recently happened that made you feel that you no longer love him?

I think it is very easy to pick holes in any relationship if that is the direction you are coming from and friends are likely to be supportive of your thoughts. However, I think you need to step back and look with a level head.

I am also a believer that counselling may well help as well as somoe open and honest discussion.

If after all that you feel that you are making the right decision then you will know that you have considered all the options.

Hoping that it works out for you.

Counseling is not just for those that want to reconcile. Its will also help you with the split if thats the way its going to go. But it helps to talk thru a third party to try and get to the issues. If you want to call time at least you have tried and you can both go your own ways in an orderly fashion. Divorce is utter hell. It dont pay to make it harder. C.

Hi Pipsqueak,
Thanks for your message, it has helped lots as I now know that it is not just me that has been in this situation. I guess when you are buried in a marriage like mine, it is hard to see what is actually happening to yourself, and it is reassuring to know that I am not alone in how I am feeling. I know that it is going to be a very hard time for both me and my kids, but I feel very strongly that a life where there are fewer arguments, and the kids are not shouted out for just being kids, is going to be a better enviroment for everyone and that hopefully we will all be happier at the end of it. I guess it is all about having the balls to go and get what you know will make you happier deep down inside and to not put up with the crap anymore. This last month while my husband has been away has given me the opportunity to see how much happier my home life is when he is not around, how much less stressed we all are and how much happier I feel. Am dreading him coming home tomorrow as I feel like a lead weight is descending on my shoulders again and thast depresses me. Makes me realise that separation, sadly is the only way to go, if I want to be happy.