Emotionally exhausted

Hi
I am new to this forum and I think it would have been wise to check it out 9 months ago. I will try & be brief...
We had been together 6 years but only married 18months. She had always wanted to get married while I was always wary of the need to. She had been ill for several years and in the previous year had an emergency hospital admission and eventually colon surgery. She had gained weight due to steroids and had no energy. I cared for because she was my girlfriend, partner and then wife. We tried for children as she recovered and she insisted on getting a kitten. 5 months later she left saying she had changed...she had - she got well, got fit and got a boyfriend.
I am a pragmatic, sceptical northerner.
I know everything in life is temporary - it's the human condition. I know people will always be attracted to other people. What I will never understand is the behaviour of this person throughout our separation and the financial fall-out. She threatened to buy me out, she cancelled the direct debit for her half of the mortgage while waiting for me to buy her out even though the whole process took just 3 months from the day she left. Whenever we have contact she ends up in tears. I can no longer face seeing her and try to maintain contact by text or e-mail. When I e-mailed her to tell her I was filing for divorce 3 weeks ago she phoned me & cried for 20 minutes - said how much she thought of me and missed me - and then calmly asked what grounds and if we were going 50-50 on court costs. She has moved in with her boyfriend 200 yards from me.
I am emtionally exhausted. The last 9 months have taught me a lot of things about myself and survival - the love of family and friends, the importance of focussing on enjoying looking after yourself. And the cliche of not getting bitter but better is very true - although 2 very well aimed rants at her helped in the summer.
The problem is I cannot stop crying - even now. 9 months later.It comes unannounced and can be triggered by anything - Susan Boyle anyone?? I have the second part of the papers in front of me - Forms D84 & D80B. I can't wait for the day this ends. I know I should be divorced by Easter but how long will this pain go on for. I have had a brief but fantastic re-introduction to dating but I don't think I can ever trust anyone again.

hallo and welcome

people new to the forum often ask how long it takes to get over a separation. There's no magic time.

I know a woman who was divorced at least 15 years ago and she is still bitter about it.

My husband on the other hand, had no problems leaving me after 31 years together to move in with someone else.

It took me 8 months to feel better - and that was with anti-depressants, weekly counselling and lots of support from this site, from friends and family.

But I often feel lonely or miserable or angry about it.

We all deal with things in different ways. Sometimes I want to talk about it, sometimes I want to have a hot bath and bawl my eyes out, sometimes I want to put on some boppy music and dance it out.

Just be kind to yourself and get through one day at a time.

Hi blue64 and welcome to the forum. I can relate to your story and I know it's frustrating at times but you've came to the right place for advice and support.
The first thing i would do, if you haven't already, is see a doctor. I've had a few depressive episodes so I know what it's like to just start crying over little things. Like Nell has mentioned the medications can be really helpful in getting your head around what's happening.
Also, keep posting and/or try blogging I've found this site useful in offloading and dealing with my problems.

Take care mate and look after yourself.

Welcome Blue,
Yes I know how you feel Subo makes me want to cry an all
Sounds like all things considered you are getting on really well.You will eventually trust again.
All the best
Pete xx

I am sorry for what you are going through. There are many difficult stories on here of what people are going through. I am the Petitioner in my divorce, which has been going on since feb and no end in sight. I had a breakdown in November, and I instigated the divorce! So it isn't easy to be on either side of the fence.

Hi Blue. Just wanted to add my support to that you have had from others. Hang on in there, it will get better but it does take time. The exhaustion and crying are all pretty normal in the circumstances but it may be worth seeing your Doc to help you get through the next few weeks.

I'm one year on and thought I was doing okay but have felt terrible for the last couple of weeks. It all seems much worse at this time of year, I just want to hibernate at the moment! As to the pain, we are all different, but hopefully it will ease in time. I think you are still grieving but you will get through it and feel stronger.

When it comes to dating it may be best to take things slowly as you will be vulnerable at the moment and it will be hard to trust someone new. Enjoy the company of friends and family and take care of yourself. Try to eat and sleep as well as you can and let us know how you get on.

Chrys

Thanks to everyone for their speedy responses and kind words.
I think I'm just wanting someone to say it will be ok.Even 9 months later.
I am in a much better place than I was in the summer and I was fortunate enough to get some counselling through occupational health as I was being redeployed when my marriage ended and my workplace closed in the same week. Great timing.
The recent tears have been a surprise though, and directly linked to contact from my ex.
It is true about finding who your friends are at times like this and the need to look after yourself. I am fitter - and 2 stones lighter. I've decided to not hide away at Xmas - and will celebreate the end of this year more than any.
Thanks again. x