Hello everyone

Hello, I'm a newbie. My hubby and I have separated - he has moved in with a single woman two doors away and is having an affair with her. I am very sad and desperately trying to save my marriage. All my friends say I'm nuts and should divorce him now but I'm not ready to do that.

So, I'm 43, living in the Cotswolds, and work for the police as a Business Systems Analyst.

I look forward to a lively debate!

merielalice

merielalice wrote:

I look forward to a lively debate!

.......well you've come to the right place honey!

Welcome to Wikivorce. It's the chill-out zone respite to the burning flames of Divorce Hell!
(well that's my take on this respite place anywayz....!)

At the moment you're at that disbelief, painful stage, having lost someone you dearly loved and the bitter pain of seeing then swan off with someone else. (Been there, seen that).

Stay here and vent your angst. And whilst your here, hammer around the site and get yourself clued up for the next steps, so if you fail to get the marriage back on track, you'll be an expert in all things D related for when you can utter the word, and when you are indeed ready.

Wipe feet...and put kettle on lass!

merielalice wrote:

he has moved in with a single woman

...just adding: SHE'S NOT SINGLE! She (heroftwodoorsdown) is shacked up with some *double-crossing cheating scumbag! .... and YOU ARE, YOUNG, FREE(ish)AND SINGLE!

Reclaim yourself, go forward in your life. Start over. It'll take time, and if he comes back (which he will when he sees just how young, free and single you are)... you can weigh up the odds regarding trust. Probably, once he drags his tired, sorry neanderthal backside back home; you won't actually want him.

*actually, I don't actually know the bloke, but sometimes it just feels good in a girlie-biyatch-fest kinda way to describe the philander thus! It's just now he's not sounding too nice right now.

Sera
x

LOL! Thanks Sera. He is a cheating, lying scumbag, who says he still loves me, but is living with another woman. How does that work???

It's re-assuring to know that others have had similar experiences because on your own, you can feel is if you are going completely mad.

Meriel

...mine also chose a life elsewhere. He said he still loves 80% of me. (Most marriages would think 80% good I reckon). However, he cited my intollerence of other women (in his life) as the reason for wanting a Divorce...

Now had he discussed an 'open marriage', whereby I get to "f**k who I want" also, then it might have been a different matter.

Marriage is foraking all others, between one man and one woman. (That's what he'd promised).

I note that your avatar has altered from an 'expectant bride-adjusting-her-headress' to a picture of a big, fat, grumpy looking, grey pussy. How damn appropriate!

merielalice wrote:

he still loves me, but is living with another woman. How does that work???

Known commonly as: CAKE / EAT IT!

OK: It works thus. Errant philanderer dictated by errant trouser snake, makes off with new bit-of-fluff. However, brain realises he still loves the woman he loved and married. (Trouser snake has no brain).... so confusion sets in....

However, once trouser-snake is bored with the new toy, the brain becomes more powerful, and starts to pine for home and wife. (ie: she becomes the boring one at home with her hands in his sink, and you become the attractive single women two doors down).... and his brain misses you.

When he comes back, you'll have to decide if you can spend the rest of your life happy with a cheating love rat. The TRUST issue comes into play then.

Basically, if he still loves you, then he hasn't let go, (and he may be keeping you in expectation for when he bothers to decide if he wishes to stay married). He's keeping his options open basically. That's why your friends are saying to Divorce him. Because they care for you, and don't like seeing you used this way.

Do this test: Pretend your circumstances belonged to a friend / sister / neice.... what would you be advising them? Apply to your own life the code of morality you'd expect for women you cared about.

Good luck, keep posting! The courts don't deal with the emotional stuff, so Wikivorce is good for that!

I was advised that maybe putting too much info about myself, including my picture, might generate unwanted attention. Since I feel like a big, fat, grey and grumpy cat, I thought this the most appropriate!

I'm not sure at this point what I'd be advising the other women in the same boat as me. I remember the 'for better for worse' bit and am not sure which comes first, that, or 'forsaking all others' etc. I would probably be telling them that they are better off without such a cheating snake and they should move on.

Why are we so stupid and can't follow our own advice!! I want to come back in the next life as a big, fat, grumpy cat I think!