Hi

I've been browsing these pages for the last few months but have only just plucked up courage to write something. My husband left two days ago and I am totally crushed. We have been together 21 years and have two young children. He said he wanted to leave 5 months ago and I pursuaded him to stay. I've read everything I can on relationships in this time, think I've done a lot to try to make him happy but it hasn't made any difference. He just wants a different life (a single life I think) without any responsibilities. I wondered if it was the mid-life crisis thing but he says we have just drifted apart. I have told him that I don't want to be separated like its some temporary situation and if he is not coming back then we should divorce. I promised myself I wouldn't contact him but I emailed him this morning telling him how I was feeling and he didn't reply. Crushed me a bit more.
I am back at work today trying to put a brave face on things and trying to get things back into the school routine for the kids. They think he is working away but even at 6 and 3 they realise something is not right. I will need to explain things soon I think. I've told some friends but not my family. His mum knows and is totally distraught. I know that I am quite a strong person and I will get through it but its really scary thinking that I will be on my own after all this time and what the future holds for us. I know I shouldn't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me but I do. Its pretty hard to let go and I am hurting terribly.

Hi

Welcome to wiki
am so sorry to hear your tale , and sorry you find yourself in this position , there is lots and lots of support and advice here. We will all try and help you as much as we can.

I remember myself trying to understand what was happening , reading a couple of relationship books , looking for an answer . I too emailed him and tried to get him to explain things to me , he didnt!

it is so difficult telling people isnt it? makes it seem more final and then they usually ask why ,and what can you say if you dont really know yourself ? I know I found this reaaly difficult.

Try and stay strong for yourself and your children .
spend some time on wiki and ask all the questions you need to regarding finances or emotional stuff. There will always be an answer or some support for you.

You will be ok , it just takes time .

take care
shiny

Hi Sunshine

Shiny is right... you have come to the right place. Read through posts and blogs and you will see that there are many of us here who can sympathise with you. It's not great that you have to be here, but the support here is fantastic, not to mention practical advice.

Try and pluck up the courage to pop into chat and say hello - you'll be sure to get a warm welcome.

It took me a couple of weeks to speak in chat and a couple of months to write a blog. You've made a good start with an introduction.

Take care

Shez

It is really tough telling people isn't it?
I didn't tell anyone I work with, that my husband of 21 years had left me. I couldn't say it for 3 months. I just couldn't say the words. When I was ready to say them I somehow couldn't stop.

You sound as if you have done everything you could to save something that was hugey important but unfortunatley soemtimes things just can't be saved.
It will be painful but you will survive it. You have your children and somewhere in there you also have you.
It will be ups and it will be downs but with help and support I firmly believe the hurt will get a bit less.
x

Hi

I just couldnt face telling people either , in the end a colleague told everyone at work for me! I just didnt want to get upset and start crying in work and I too just couldnt get the words out !

I couldnt even tell my mum for a while , kept thinking he may come back and so no need to upset her over it .

Sometimes you just want to pretend it hasnt happenend and it feels a bit unreal anyway at first .

It takes a while for the reality of whats happenend to really hit home , people will be here for you when you feel ready .

take care
shiny

Hi Sunshine, welcome to Wikki, i'm sorry you're having to go through all of this, it must be hard when young children are involved. I too used to email my stbx after i found out he was having an affair, he DID reply and admitted it but it didnt help getting replies. I was sad that our marriage was over & nothing he could have said would have made me feel better. You do need to tell your family, you need lots of support right now & i'm sure they will be there for you.
Keep posting here & maybe go into chat, it helped me a lot when i joined Wikki.
Stay strong for the kids sake but keep posting, we are here for you,
Cindy

You are all very kind and it does help to hear that others know what you are going through. I have started to tell people whats happened, most are so shocked they don't really kow what to say. I don't know any separated people to be truthful and that really scares me (where are the single people like me?)
He rang this evening to 'just say hello' and to tell me where he was staying. I can't hear his voice without crying - its stupid, I am ok most of the time. I am surprised that I'm not sitting here weeping but I'm keeping it together until somebody is kind/sympathetic to me and then I fall apart.
He's upset that I have talked about divorce and how we could settle things financially. He thinks I'm moving too fast. But he left me, and I need to have some control over mine and my kids' future. If he is never coming back, I want to know what is mine and what is his. Is this unusual - he doesn't seem to get it?
I don't think there is anyone else - he says not, but I guess they all say that, don't they? Time will tell I suppose