so scared

My wife of 28 years has gone off with another guy - a complete shock - i had no clue - we have two boys 21 and 18 one is here with me the other lives with his GF

my income and pension is pretty good but we have a ton of debts and a big mortgage - my wife has a small income and v little pension her new guy has left his wife and has not much money

what happens do i have to give her half of everything - it seems so unfair - what about our debts - am i left with them?

what the hell do i do - this is the worst time of my life worse even than when my mum died i really can't come to terms with this

im 51 and alone in the dark

Hello Prime

Firstly, you are no longer alone in the dark, you have found the best place for advice and support to help you through what will be a roller coaster time.

Really the best advice is to seek legal advice as soon as possible, there is a solicitors company number on the top right of wiki home page. You can book through them a half hour free telephone consultation.

Prepare a list beforehand of any questions, details of your financial situation etc and use the time to get as much information as you can.

Given the length of your marriage the starting point of any financial split would certainly be 50/50 on any assets. It is possible that your wife could also claim on your pensions.

The one thing to be avoided if at all possible is taking the whole issue to court. This is a costly and heart wrenching process. Far better if you and your wife can agree financial matters together.

Do pop into chat, there is always somebody there who can help and it can cheer you up when you are having a bad day.

XXX fleur XXX

Hi prime
welcome to wiki, the place for the emotionally wounded to get support and advice.

You are not alone, there a many on here that have had the same shock and terror as you. It is horrible and it will take time for you to come to terms with it. There will be plenty of rollercoaster rides to come, but that is where Wiki is so valuable. We will help you through the up and downs as best we can.

You must take things at your pace though, do not rush into any decisions until you have had legal advice. As Fleur says call the number at the top of the page, they will be able to help you clear the fog in your mind.

My ex left me for a younger model, we had been married 22 years, 2 children, teenagers. It will take time to be able to think straight. Nothing is fair in divorce I am afraid. If you read some of the post here, it seems to be the innocent that suffer the most. We are the ones that have been 'dumped' and then have to deal with all the financial side, whilst feeling so low. But it has to be done, so make sure you put together a list of questions, because when the time comes to speak to someone your mind will be everywhere.

Just remember though you ARE not alone, we will help you.

It will take time but you will feel stronger and able to cope a bit more.

Take care and keep posting it really does help.

zara

Hi Prime. You are not alone. 51 is not that old. You are only as old as the person you are feeling. I am 53 and I thought I was on the scrap heap. Its not like that. You are never too old to start again.

The debts (I presume they are joint) would normaly be settled as part of any asset split. So I suggest that you itemise them and try and discuss how they will be split. Generaly all debt whilst married are joint. During seperation any debt incured is the responsibility of the person incuring those debts. So watch what you spend from now until the divorce.

Divorce in the UK is no blame. I know its bad but thats the way it is. It dont matter who does what to whome.

You may not have to sell the house. If you are earning good money you may be able to buy her out. Your youngest is 18 and he may be expected to work. But if he is in full time education you may be able to lesson what you have to pay as you will have to support him.

But if you have to sell to settle the debts then at least you should get some money to start again. Now is a great time to rent btw.

Thats the practical out the way. Yea its awful when this happens. I sympathise with you. This must be an awful time for you. But you are not that old. And you will be able to start again. Dont do anything daft and look after yr job. Thats the meal ticket for you out of this mess.

The best revenge you can have is leave them together. No good usualy comes out of these affairs in the long run. I could bang on about castles made of sand etc. Just rehearse your foxtrot oscar speach when she comes crawling back. C

hi prime

You are certainly not alone in the dark you will find so many people here at wiki in the same situation as you like myself at 49. The help and support here is fantastic and you should pop into chat from time to time you will find it can help to pass away a couple of hours.

You should get some legal advice as soon as possible so that you dont have to guess about things

Take Care

JJ

Hi Prime, welcome to Wikki, i'm sorry that you too are going through this. Its the worse pain in the worl for your partner to leave you for someone else. You also have the added worry of finances & i dont blame you for thinking ahead.
For now though you just need to take care of yourself, accept whats happened & come to terms with it. Everyone here will support you & help you through.
Get legal advice as soon as you can, the first half hour is free!
Cindy

many thanks for all your replies - i was scared when i wrote that but of course i know that my wife is really entitled to half of what we created - and i screwed up our marridge and that why she went

this is a strange place - why are some many replies pointing me to the leagal advice it is some kind of sponsership?

no doubt many many people are helped here - and good luck to you all but it really is not for me - i have my two boys and already sometimes find some innner strenght form somewhere - i went on the chat room and it was all too much for me all those people - too too much to deal with!

so good bye to you all and those who seem so vindicitve to there exes - a small amount of you - i would take my wife back in a heartbeat - but she won't come!!!!

so good luck too you all but as i say i will try another way out of this

wonder if moderators will leave this up?

Prime AKA Roy