hi eveyone

Hi Chick71

I recently went through the same experience, my stbx took my kids for a week at first,& weekends since.

Mine still won't pack for their time away, get very stroppy and can't sleep for a couple of days before and after. But I can only help them by being strong and giving their time with their dad my blessing. They cannot cope with fighting my negativity as well as their own mixed feelings.

Inside I think of it as being like a trip to the dentist..you know they must go, so you smile and keep positive to get them through it with as little trauma as possible, knowing they will not cope if they see your anxiety.

And like everything else,I feel sure it will get better.

finding

At the moment the kids have said they don't want to go so we'll see what happens.They don't know anything about this woman other than her first name so I think they feel uncomfortable about the situation but are frightened to tell their dad.Thanks for your replies it really does help to hear other peoples experiences.
chick x

My sons are 16 and 14 so old enough to decide if they want to see their Dad.

He took younger one to play pool and older one to play football, and will take younger one to rugby match tomorrow.

He did say that his new woman thinks he should see more of them (!!) and he's got a severe talking to by someone else about keeping his relationship with them going. [erm, I do remember saying that he needed to sort that out before he moved out].

Anyway, he suggested they could go round to Sunday dinner. Well, I nearly died trying not to laugh. I used to try and have Sunday dinner and husband either spent the whole time nagging the children about their table manners, or was falling asleep as he'd come back drunk. He has a vision of happy familes round the table with new partner and her kids. My sons of course just remember Sunday lunch as being embarrassing and boring, and that's without two children they don't know plus the woman husband has left their Mum to be with.

I have tried to explain to husband that the boys want to feel that their Dad loves them and wants to spend time with them, not that he's happy to tack them on to something he was going to do anyway with someone else's children.

I think men are insensitive because they don't want to face the fact that they've caused so much pain and distress. Much easier to pretend that everyone is happy with the situation.

The other day husband started burbling about our marriage failing because of lack of communication. It felt very good to tell him that from my point of view it was about his selfishness and that I'd communicated that to him on many occasions!!!

Hi Chick71, welcome to Wikki, a great place for advice & support. Sorry you are going through this too, i hope you find comfort knowing you're not alone in this. Keep posting, there are wonderful people in here!
Cindy

Thanks cindy,It's good to know I'm not alone in this!I was married happily I thought for 15 years when my OH decided he didn't love me and had feelings for someone else.I think It would have been so much easier if we had argued beforehand but things were fine.Just goes to show you never know whats around the corner.