HI

HI

This is quite daunting posting this as it is making everythin all too real and scary. I have been married for 4 years all though I have been seperated for the last 12 months. I have a 2 year old boy whom I cant believe I am not seeing every day. Only now am i considering divorce because I am the main bread winner and still paying all the mortgage and child care and only 4 weeks ago stopped paying the bills. My Ex is refusing to pay to the mortgage or leave the house and is very controlling with my son and I have not had anytime with him on my own as she wont allow it. I have saught very expensive solicitors advice who just stated to start divorce proceedings but not too sure where or how we can sort the child and financial arrangements. I dont want to go to court and was wondering if:unsure: anyone any basic advice or tips??????

hi,your solicitor should be able to arrange for you to see your son if not speak to cafcass.i was in the same situation my ex moved to mid wales which is about 3hrs away.My ex wanted me to see my son once every month at a contact centre.Through my solicitor i managed to get to see him every two weeks without the use of a contact centre.My son is only 3 1/2 but we have a great time together.

Thansk cafcass and parentline have been really helpful but advised that it will need to go through court as ex is unwilling to let go of our son. I realize that this is scary but does the pain ever go away. I cnt help thinking that my son will grow up not knowing who I am. I want to be involved in his life as much as possible but parentline stated that even if the courts agree to lone contact my ex may not neccessarily abide by this and there will be nothing I can do. I feel so alone and helpless but still feel contolled, bullied and emotionally blackmailed by my ex. This site has been really usefull as realise that there are people in similar situations and worse situations than mine

Hi Osprey

I have no pratical advice to give you as my situation is very different. I just wanted to send you some strength and hope ((((hugs)))).

You haven't explained about how you came to be separated. Does she have a reason, perceived or true, to limiting access to your son? Has there been any aggressive behaviour between you that she could use as a reason?

Just don't give up on him, keep fighting.

SadEyes x

hi osprey

welcome to wiki.....

your situation seems to be a common one unfortunately....

and i dont know why ?

prev poster asked about your situ and how you've come to be separated.....is your ex being controlling because she didnt want the split ?

a friend of mine, nothing to do with wiki, male, is going through exactly the same as you...he has 2 boys and his ex (they are not married) has prevented him for seing his boys and the pain he goes through is horrible to watch....

i grew up not ever knowing my father and its left me with a hole in my life, so im looking at your situ from a childs angle i guess and all i would say is please do not give up...

your child needs his father just as much as you need him, so keep fighting but do it the right way........go through the motions and fingers crossed it will work out for you....

did you say how old he was in your forum post ? im sorry cant remember but dont forget that he is your son for life......and if you keep that in mind then this might bring you hope.....

take care Osprey

Daisy
xx

HI me ex did not want the split but was very controlling about what and where i went. it as my first relationship and never lived together before we got married. I am learning from it but realise that we had nothing in common but feel she wanted me to stay but realise I could not spend the rest of my life with her although I do still care for her , though no other person was involved at the time. There was no agression although she would verbally become aggressive and I always remeber the day she shouted at me infront of her parents and family and everyone acted like it was acceptable and that I was the bad guy!!!!!!!!!!! We have never been physically agressive towards each other although admitadely towards the end of the relationship we were both shouting at each other!!

Thanks for your support this really helps

hi

have been through something similar, although we both wanted it to be amicable - i think that by explaining to stbx in a neutral venue that by not agreeing between yourselves, then money is wastd on lawyers - to the detriment of your child, because there won't be the same amount left after trying to do it together.

also, you are the child's father, that cannot be undone, and when the child is old enough to understand, then the recriminations that she may have towards you will come back to haunt her

hang in there - this is the best place in the world

dd