Making me feel like I won't cope without him!

Hi all,
I am 33 years old with 2 and 5 year old daughters. 7 Months ago I found out that my husband was having an affair with a women at his work and had been since going back to work after his 2 weeks off when our youngest was born. Nice!

He admitted it and said that he loved her. So after throwng him out he quit his job and said he wanted us to go to relate and work things out. Me being daft agreed to try for the kids and let him back. I had already made my first appointment for the sol to file for divorce but cancelled it. Now I wish I had been stronger and not had him back but my whole world just fell apart and it seemed the right thing to do.

As time has gone on I have become stronger and we have been over in my eyes since August but he refuses to leave the house or accept that I want a divorce. He is trying to make me feel like I won't be able to cope, mainly financially, without him. He says we have to sell the family home and give him half so he can buy himself a house.

When all of this is his fault, as far as i am concerned, can he really insist on selling the family home and make his children move? Surely they will have enough to deal with?

Have made an appointment with Citizens Advice as just don't know where to start. Will it be better just to go straight to the sol? Am trying to read loads of stuff on the internet to get help and then came across this site. It looks fab and the stuff I have read so far is making me feel much more positive.

Thanks for reading

Hi there - I am 33 and in the process of divorcing my husband due to his affair. I made an appointment to see a solicitor normally first 30 minutes is usually free. Lots of circumstances can alter how much you get at the end of a divorce.

You have to keep your chin up chicken... I am still a newbie at this and it is crap but it does get better!! Maccie

hi,

So after throwng him out he quit his job and said he wanted us to go to relate and work things out. Me being daft agreed to try for the kids and let him back.

How did you mange to throw him out if he owned the house too?I made a mistake of closing my file three times. I am now continuing for the fourth time X2B kept saying sorry after receiving sols letter when I close file he goes back on his word. I have got stronger in the process, so has he and the kids we have come to terms that its over and we did what we could do save the marriage.
I hope he regrets what hes done and making you and your girls suffer..Hope all goes well for you,... and all the best.

Thanks maccie,

I will def go c the sol then. I know this is exactly what I want,it's all the other unknowns which I am now trying to get my head around with the help of this site.

Thanks ssoria,

Didn't really give him much choice but to leave as was in such a state of shock!! He and ALL his stuff went out the front door. he rented a room for a couple of months before came back to try to work things out at relate. Good thing is friends and family agree that i have tried to make it work.

Feeling much stronger now and just need to get on with sorting things. The sooner the better.
Thanks again

trudy1710 wrote:

He says we have to sell the family home and give him half so he can buy himself a house.

Hi Trudy,

First bit of advice: DO NOT AGREE TO SELL THE HOME, AND DO NOT MOVE OUT!!!! If your name is not on the Deed title, you do still have matrimonial home Rights which you can register with the Land Registry; and he cannot sell over your head, or force you to agree a sale.

You have two very young children and the Courts give priority to the children and the parent with care.

If you want wiki users to give you a ball-park figure of what to expect; answer the questions DivorceLawyer has posted here:

www.wikivorce.com/divorce/Divorce-Forum/...G-IN-THIS-FORUM.html

All negotiation starts at a 50%-50% split, but where there is only enough equity to provide for your needs; those splits often go 70%-30% or 80%-20%

The courts have the powers to redistribute matrimonial property any which way it pleases; and he does not automatically own half the house.

Once we see the figures, you'll get some more advice.

Sera
x

making you feel like you can't cope without him? classic case of mirroring! What he feels is that HE CAN'T COPE WITHOUT YOU! Guess he should have considered that before! Unfortunately divorce or even reasons why a divorce comes about are never black and white. I am sure he has his side of the story as to why he chose to have an affair. He fell in love? Most likely lust. Love is not a feeling, its something we do! It's hard to hurt someone you truly love, the way he hurt you. I believe your question should be this. Is he really remorseful and can you feel his pain? Has he learned anything about himself? There is a lot more to throwing away a family unit than at first meets the eye. Its not just about equity after the pain has subsided, you need to think if you would be happier being a single parent and creating a little family unit of your own with your daughters. If so, do it. The house and divisions of assets will be in your favour if he's done the dirty. Good luck. LL X