New here but here goes

Hi

Just kicked my other half out as found out he was having an affair. Been married 20 years with 2 children. The worst of it is he blamed his kids for him not being happy and all along he was having an affair and built himself a web of lies and deceit. Lowlife! He has been verbally abusive to me and the children over the years and has done irrepairable mental damage to my youngest. To be honest I will be better off without him but when you have given the majority of your life to one person it is still almost impossible to see a future. I will be financially ok as he has always been a good provider. He had an affair 7 years ago and like a fool i let him stay. Why wont men take responsibility for their own actions instead of blaming everyone else? I know what me and the children have lived with over the years but u put up with things but never again..
I hope to post on here regularly as it is good to get the support and views of others.

Hi Lilly

I'm a newbie myself...just came on here to post a question on behalf of someone else actually.

Saw your post and would just like to say hang on in there girl!!

I went through a divorce around 20 years ago (married too young I guess) and I know how you feel.

I reckon the best way of describing it is it's like losing a limb (no matter how much of a lowlife). However, if that limb has gangrene you are definately better off without it!

Take each day as it comes, don't try looking forward too much, nor back!! I used to go to bed each night and say to myself "That was a really good day", or "That was a really bad day, thank God it's over".

You'll get through it and I bet you a pound in the end you'll find that you're a better person for it!

xx

Hi Lilly
Daftvader is right - take each day as it comes and try not to think too far ahead - It is hard - but just plan for today/next day but dont worry about 1 yr away etc.

Also give yourself the credit for standing up to a verbal abusive toad - who has lied and cheated to you all.

You will feel better as the realisation sinks in that you dont have to put up with his cr*p any more.

You will begin to notice how easy the atmoshere is in the house and your family (if they are still at homw will feel this too)

keep on posting - there are lots of people who have been through similar and can support you.

Welcome to Wiki
Jolly:)

thank u for your kinds words. Everyone keeps telling me it will all be ok in the end but the road ahead seems very long at the moment. I will keep posting on here and taking inspiration from others. My daughter said to me last night. There is nothing longer than life and it is for living so we just have to get on with it. I thought that was very philosphical coming from a 15 year old. Bless her.

Hallo
and welcome!

My husband is much the same - he changed after the children were born and became very grumpy. He was fine when they were toddlers, but turned into this wierd bloke who used to come home, snap orders and expect them to be obeyed. Ironic, I was attracted to him because he seemed so relaxed.

Anyway, he and our eldest son used to argue all the time and the younger son would just withdraw.

We agreed to separate and then it turns out he has another woman!!! So angry that he was too cowardly to tell me straight away. But of course the problems in our marriage were down to my inability to communicate!!!


He now lives with other woman and her 2 younger children, her ex has them every other weekend so he and new woman go off to enjoy themselves. I'm left with 16 yr old who has left school and shows no sign of getting a job or training, and 14 year old to get through GCSEs.
Ex comes round to tell me what a tough time he is having with new woman's son (shame!) and is surprised when I burst out laughing.

The atmosphere in our house is much better since he's been gone, the children are more relaxed and communicative. Even the grumpy 16 yr old brought me breakfast in bed one morning, quite unexpectedly.

But they've both told me they think their father is pathetic. He's more immature than either of them.

Hi Lilly
hope you are ok .coming on Wiki is the best thing , It took me a long time to find this website but when I did , its like I talking to my best friend . As for your daughter listen to her and envoyed what infront of you ,she will leave one day and then you will realise that you were spending your time in thinking how horrible your husband been to you . my ex was not a good provider. It's not easy I know but the thing I don't let it affect my daughter ,when she is at school then I think of the problem but when she is here with me ,I makes lots of joke , and keep her happy and take her shopping and have a great laugh ,at the end of the day i go to bed with a smile on my face as I am happy to see my daughter happy . keep yourself busy on Wiki. Days is going so fast. it wasn't easy at first but after a while it got better and you will ask youself why did lose your time on him . please take care, we will listen and help . God Bless.

Thank you. I am so pleased I have found this site. I am sure it will be of great help to me over the coming months.