Newbie any advice much appreciated

Hello

Grim New year following a horrible final quarter of 2008. Found out my wife having an affair via the medium of Internet chat, email and text. Whatever happened to meeting face to face? The urge to choke living sh1t out of the other man has passed. Mainly, because I am the sole earner and a spell in jail isn't gonna help the kids..

Anyway, in a financial mess. Large mortgage, loads of credit card debt, etc. Having to try to live separately in same house. Anyone any advice on how to make it work? Are there any legal implications?

OF

Hi. Sorry you find yourself here. I hope you find the help you need.
The money side of stuff & the emotions in a broken relationship are two separate issues, The most important thing are any children.

Call the national debtline or call into your local CAB for advice on taking a mortgage break & contacting creditors to offer reduced payments whilst you try & sort out what you intend to do long term.

We are divorced & living in same property due to finances until house is sold.
Nobody else is involved & children all grown up so we keep to our own areas of the house & are polite when we meet in 'no man's land', like the hallway. It is hard even with nobody else involved.

Sorry to hear the pickle you're in. You;ll find lots of support on here.

The best thing to do if at all possible is to decide on times that each of you will spend quality time with the children and then the other parent steers clear/goes out so that things are clearer for everyone.

My STBX has no where to take children at present so at weekends i either go out/retire to my room so he can be one on one with them. Not ideal but it works for the boys.

Just try and keep as civil as possible and get to the CAB/into chat here with the inhouse Divorce Barrister (6-8) and find out all you can about what to do with your financial situation.

I do believe that you/your wife can claim the increased child tax credit if living within the same house but separately so may be worth looking into if wanting to split the finances.

Don't let the emotions mess with your head so badly that you stop earning.
Your debtors won't give a monkeys about your divorce it's
"F- CK YOU! PAY ME!"
had to crawl back up from losing me business,wife having had an affair and putting me out with 8 black bin bags to my name in 3 month period.
The soul belief that kept me going was
"YES YOU FEEL SHITE BUT HOW MUCH WORSE WILL YOU FEEL WITH NO DOUGH COMING IN AT ALL!"
Keep off the booze!It really doesn't help.
Get the divorce sorted as fast as humanly possible because it avoids dragging out all the hassle that gets you down and you then know good or bad exactly where you stand and can get on with the rest of your life.
All the best
Pete x

Oh Yeah and most importantly.
Love your kids and be consistent.
All the best mate
Pete xx

Thanks for all the advice given. I work from home so staying outta the way isn't easy. Also, the temptation to eaves drop on her conversations and snoop is hard to resist. I keep telling myself that would be the actions of someone devious and from what I gather from reading posts on this forum completely pointless as anything I findout will have no impact on the ultimate settlement etc.

OF

Hi OF

Try to stay out of each others way as much as possible.

Agree and stick to times alone with the kids. Times when you will have to do stuff together re the kids must be civil (they pick up on feelings more that you would ever think).

Evesdropping? Hmmm....it might hurt you a bit to do that, it is solely your choice there. It sounds like you already have your evidence for divorce petition anyway. And yes it is mostly about settlement in the end and what is best for the children emotionally.

Put music on TV on if you can in your own space and use the relaxing time wisely, it will help you to deal with the situation calmly.

From the perspective of how to live as seperated, there is advice throughout wikivorce on what you have to do to be considered seperated in one household. Have a good browse at similar threads.
Mostly it is common sense ie, no sharing of anything, meals, social time, housework, etc. But not being an expert on this I would say live as if you were strangers, or already split up.

Hope it works for you, but from my own experience, it may not be a bed of roses.

My opinion only, please feel free to ignore it if you wish.

79firstwhen