Future relationships

It''s funny. I was very happy with the new, single life - but I really do think I might have found ''love'' again. And he does too. It''s a long distance relationship which isn''t ideal but I have the option of moving to my company''s Manchester office. (And I was thinking about that months ago for other reasons - mainly better career prospects and I could buy a much nicer house up north with my settlement).

We''re meeting up again midweek, he has a meeting down south and is staying over. The week after I have to be in Yorkshire for a 3 day course and we''ll see each other then. Aargh! Why couldn''t I meet a nice man in the same postcode/county?

If you have found love again,embrace it.
You have loved once,so you know that your capable of giving and receiving of it,so allow yourself to love again.

Actually I am of the opinion it will find you,and maybe it has.Maybe 2 people were in the right place at the right time,so who is going to argue with the Universe...

At the very least you have gained a really good friend,and friends are what we all need.

Best of luck hun to the both of you.
Go with the flow,and the rest will follow.

Cwtchs
Afon Xx

I notice all the replies here are from the ladies !! So where do us guys stand ?
Hmm an interesting one knowing a cross section of guys 35 and upwards.
Firstly we all have to recognise is that we are all second hand property.
2nd We have all been moulded by our x''s whether we recognise this or not.
3rd We have fought a battle we probably hoped we would never have to fight.
4th. We fought for our freedom/property/kids/right to live the way we want to live.
5th. We survived.

Now I would not suppose for one moment that I can generalise. (nor would I be as pompous to suggest one size fits all)

It was during an counselling session that my x was asked what attracted me to her. Her answer was that I was fun... and a list of other things that obviously mattered to her.
So how or why did I stop being those things? Well I was moulded as I probably moulded her into something that stopped being what she wanted.
In the early days we were of course fancy free with a long future ahead of us.
Now we are past our prime !! Well I am.
Yet I still see people are picky. Somehow they seek a picture in their mind of some ideal partner who ticks all the boxes.
I have news for you all. You are not going to find someone who ticks all the boxes. In fact you may be lucky enough to find someone who ticks half of them.
Most of us have become far to set in our ways to be flexible. We put vague excuses forward every time to block any relationship. As a man I know that I have and I have lost some very suitable partners because of this.
There is a feeling throughout the previous posts that it has to be a permanent relationship. If I get together this has got to be the last time etc.
Relationships are not the same as you get older. Each party has fought hard and long for what they have and it has to be something very special that makes us give everything up to follow another.
We impose restrictions upon ourselves. These restrictions stop that final step of moving in together. Some of these may be founded,some unfounded and some totally rediculous.
Yes I have had dates. Yes I have had short relationships. Do I care what others and neighbours think of me. Nope. Its none of their business.Its my life and I will live it as I want to without the lace curtains twitching every time. Most single people I know, male and female, feel the same. The flush of mad young love just isn''t going to happen. That instant chemistry may happen but its rare.
We all look for a keeper. The one who ticks most of the boxes and isn''t likely to drop us in the mire again so all the people I know male and female will probably never have that full live in lovey dovey relationship again.
In 7 years I have only known one lady (divorced) sell her house and move in with her kids to a divorced mans place. (both early 30s) . The rest I know retain their own place and may have steady relationships where each keeps their own place but not a full 24/7 one.
So maybe we should re assess out attitudes and stop being quite so picky and realise that if someone is interested in us they are interested for a reason and maybe we should look at ourselves more closely to see if we can get to tick more boxes rather than looking for reasons to avoid taking the next step.

polar - if I understand you correctly I think Sting feels the same.

Thank you Sunflower

And a fitting end to my postings on wiki.
Thanks everyone for your time and patience.
Take care everyone and I hope all your dreams come true.
I will always have a reminder of my time here. I named my cat WIKI !!

Polar

Polar, you''re so right. I have a lovely new relationship but there''s no way I want to live with him (and I''m sure he feels the same).

New man probably ticks half the boxes. He''s ''too short''. (5 foot 9, I like 6 footers . . . ). He''''s not as educated as me (but he''s done 20 years in the Navy and is doing well in civvy street). He''s got a (very discreet) tattoo. I hate tattoos!

But - he''s funny, considerate, kind, intelligent and when I''m with him I just feel a better version of myself. If it lasts - great. If not, well it''s nice to know I''m not the fat, ugly, stupid b*tch my STBX told me I was. (and no, I never believed that for one moment).

hi polar,oh, no, are you retiring from wiki..its really a sad day. though I am fairly new to wonderful wiki, I just want to thank you for all your great input and wisdom. I will miss reading your blogs, let me wish you a happy today and a better tomorrow. lots of hugs. sharrara