Ex wants me to increase the evenings I have kids

My son was on a forum once where a dad had posted he wasn''t going to take the children an extra night as his ex. was trying to ''pull a fast one'' and that it wasn''t fair to his current partner. My son posted that he had never refused to take his children extra nights for any reason whatsoever, and that as far as he was concerned the children were his first priority. Needless to say there were plenty who disagreed with him. I think he was called a ''nobhead'' in the end and got himself banned. It takes all sorts I suppose.

Courts can''t force an unwilling parent to spend time with their children, as it wouldn''t be considered to be in the children''s best interests to be made to have contact with a parent who is reluctant to spend that time with them.

It''s important that parents with limited time with their children are able to be as fully involved in their children''s lives as possible, and do the day-to-day stuff with them; collecting from/dropping off at school is one example. it also enables that parent to have regular contact with the school that they may not otherwise have.

It''s a great shame that you feel you are unable to work out arrangements that means your children and you are able to spend some additional time together.

But is the op getting extra time with the children? He might get an extra night whilst they are asleep and then have to drop with child care extremely early due to work commitments, which he might not be able to change. Don''t think that constitutes additional quality time.

If the RP also has work commitments then its fair to share the difficulty of working and childcare, but what the op actually states is that the rp wants the change because she wants to spend sunday evening with her new partner.

My husband wont be able to have his children for a sunday evening and take the children to school on a Monday because he wouldn''t be able to change his work commitments nor would he be able to organise childcare every other Monday. It doesn''t mean he wouldn''t put his children first if he could.

pendlewitch wrote:

VillaDad2012 - what is so important in your personal life that you can''t have your own children 2 additional nights each month?

Perhaps their employment is preventing them and they feel it is important to remain employed and able to provide for their children financially? Given the reception the OP has received they will probably not post again so we will never know.

Hi All,

I appreciated that this is a very emotive subject and that not all Dads are as lucky as me in the access that I have to my kids..so am big enough to take some of their comments onboard.

As pointed out in one of the previous posts, my EX''s wish is nothing to do with me having more quality time with the kids, as the extra few hours that I would have them, they would simply be in bed.

My work commitments are such that I travel extensively around the UK, and as such am limited as to who I can visit on the days on which I collect the kids, and also the days that I then have to drop them into school. If I then looked to have the kids a further evening this would seriously impact my ability to carry out my job effectively. My job is what keeps a roof over mine and to some degree my children heads heads.

My Ex does not work, and enjoys a health gym lifestyle when the kids are not at school.. She is better off financially that probably most of us on here (even with well paid jobs ,but paying large amounts in child maintenance would be)...

This is not about the kids, but her need to pander to her new partner, something that wasn''t an issue with the partner she had when we separated..

Hopefully the majority of you can understand my situation..and not be too critical... I love my children to bits and was absolutely devastated when we seperated at not being there to kiss them all good night, and tell them that everything would be OK when they got scared or hurt...

One suggestion that I put to her was that I would have the kids for every other Sunday night, but that on the weeks that I did the Sunday, then I would not have them on the Tuesday.. In that way she gets her long weekend, and I only have one work day impacted that week...but she just scoffed at the idea..

Think someone else said on one of my other question, she wants to have her cake, and eat it..

VillaDad.

i know exatcly where you''re coming from. Your ex wants this arrangement to suit a lifestyle, and using the kids to emotionally blackmail you with. If you have to work to provide for them, and put a roof over your head, you are prioristing them in my book!

A lot of differing views and most circumstances have some differences....my wife had no problems with me working as often as I could to keep us and my children in the manner they had become used to....and allowing her to work 2 days a week....she had no ambitions to work more and i was happy with that....but now we are seperated I have to work as much, if not more than ever to keep two households going....but she expects me to have the children more, whilst still wanting the same financial piece of flesh or else will take legal steps....the two are not compatible. I would like to step off the train of constant work as I have have done for 30 years non stop and have my children more, but the demands of my wife is the very reason that I cannot....it is not right to say that the man is not prioritising his children enough in my opinion, when he is struggling to keep everything going financially and not able to rely on additional benefits to paper over the holes.