"why are you so angry?"...she asked

Hi Sam.

samchik1 wrote:

I wrote her a text this morning...

"Please try to step up and be a parent from today. No more thinking about what you want and need above our son. I''ll be watching with interest to see if you can do that. I hope you can."

She asks why I am so angry and "bitter" (I don''t even know what that word really means).

What you wrote does sound bitter. And I can understand why you are. But do you really want to feed her with yr bitterness? Cos all that you are showing her is that what she did to you has affected you deeply. Of course it has. But should you show her this?

Thing is, she has done bad things to you. But I think you should be showing her that you are getting on just fine. Not saying things like this to yr ex.

Look around the site. You will see mothers posting and complaining about messages like this. Mate, you didnt need to say this to her. In fact you didnt need to say anything at all to her. Perhaps the pick up or drop off times. Thats it mate.

I am sorry to be so hard on you. Ok she has wronged you. Thats done now. But what are you trying to achieve? Please share it. C.

samchik1 wrote:

I''m OK...but I''m not OK "really." That''s how I feel at the moment. I felt "OK"...for many weeks...now I''m sitting here in front of my office computer in floods of tears...just like the first day I posted here (about 4 months ago).

As I walk around the campus today I have found myself insulting my wife under my breath...I must look like the crazy Prof on campus who has lost his marbles. But I think these utterances and profanities are some of my raw, primal emotions breaking out.

It''s probably no surprise that this all pops to the surface on the day that she is taking our son back to London for a few days. I wrote her a text this morning...

"Please try to step up and be a parent from today. No more thinking about what you want and need above our son. I''ll be watching with interest to see if you can do that. I hope you can."

She asks why I am so angry and "bitter" (I don''t even know what that word really means). Here''s why I''m angry:

(a) Because the one person I thought "had my back" through everything decided to walk away and let me go.
(b) Because she did that at a time when I feel I needed her most.
(c) Because she did not just "walk away" - she walked into the arms of another guy.
(d) Because she rubbed her relationship with him in my face and continued to see him and communicate with him WHILST living with me.
(e) Because she saw me cry...looked into my reddened eyes...saw how she was hurting me...yet still continued to do this in the way she did it.
(f) Because her and this tw*t both KNEW she was part of a family...but despite that they pissed all over it in favour of momentary pleasure.
(g) Because she turned the world of OUR three year old on its head, then sodded off to France for 5 weeks when he needed parental stability most.
(h) Because when she''s feeling insecure she reaches out to check what she had is still there...when she feels it...she turns her back again.
(i) Because on a selfish level I wanted a secure family unit...and I feel she took that from me (and from our son)
(j) Because I spent our entire marriage supporting her life goals emotionally and financially...in both senses I gave her all I had...then she kicked me aside...
(k) Because I am still financially crippled by her...even when we aren''t together
(l) Because she expects our son to dance to her tune...and does know how to dance to his
(m) Because she made me feel like a sexual failure...in a cruel way
(n) Because what she did reinforced to me that nobody loves you "just because" - and it hurts to realise that...I now believe unconditional love is solely reserved for your offspring That''s sad.

I could use up the entire alphabet...and the cyrillic alphabet too...but you get the gist.

That felt cathartic.

YES Sam but at moments like this you need to look for the silver lining..........You are now an official fully signed up member of the Ex Harridans Club it''s a grossly sexist gentlemans club set up by it''s founder His Royal Hawayness for men that have been screwed over by their adultress misus, and still have the pleasure of paying for it for years and years and years to come.

All the best
HRH xx

Oh Sam, big hug!
As Raybird put it so well they dont care what we''re put through by their adultery and their wonderful new lives.
She left the 3 year old for 5 weeks? OMG how could a mother do that? What was going on in her selfish head?? I can kind of understand her saying "I need some space to clear my head, I''m going away for the weekend" but 5 WEEKS!!! Madness, selfish, narcissistic madness!
Guess now she''s had her cake and eaten it she wants to play Mummy again?
If I were you I''d say "over my dead body" and fight for residence of him!