Still want to be with him

Hi Lori I read your post with great interest as i could have written it our second couples counsellor who my husband lied to as well as me stated he was just taking the p**s out odf couples counselling and that i should divorce him.
I dont know whatb it is with these men i think having their cake and eating it springs to mind.
Although my OH is living in his own fklat now he still comes home at the weekends (now just saturdays night) and doesnt want a divorce as HE doesnt know what he wants I quote..............
I am going to divorce mine i still love him but not the now him who is either being really lovely but the minute he doesnt get his own way turns into someone vile and spiteful a good friend of both of us said it is like a toddler having a tantrum and to be fair that pretty much sums it up.
sorry to ramble on lots of love with it all

That is exactly how it is; wants every thing his way and uses maliputive tatics.

Co dependency is not about whether someone is independent or not. Ithe word encompasses many things but quite often people in abusive relationships can identify with descriptions of co dependent traits.

People who identify themselves as co dependent can appear confident independent and have very high levels of resilience. Often they are life''s copers. Co dependency is a behavioural tendency which may or may not be an issue for the person depending on the circumstances.

So to answer one days question, it takes work and that can involve therapy to overcome any unhelpful codepndent traits. Melanie Beattie and Pia Melody have written very insightful books in this area.

Things are getting better in that i do now understand co-dependency and where it was a problem for me. Therapy is a good idea to get over an abusive relationship. Although I have no contact with him at all he is still being abusive in discrediting me with his lies but it will stop when he ties of it and I know I haven''t done anything wrong. Feeling more like my old self with no contact, just need to get my life back but don''t know where to start.