Re building after separation

Hi Kazzabelle

Just read your post after I replied to mag. Hope you are feeling better now - we all seem to be in very similar situations. Helps a lot knowing you are not the only one going through this.

So to everyone here for sharing, supporting and getting through - WELL DONE.

And a really big THANK YOU to wikivorce for being there in our hour of need:cheer:

I think that you are right, we do seem to be in very similar situations at the moment!

I haven''t managed to go public yet either. I just well up when I tell anyone new. Not sure how I am gonna cope with it to be honest.

Although, my work colleagues know - thanks to some bloke that now works with my hubby - who came into the office (I had just been seconded to cover maternity) and announced that I was the ''ex-wife'' of one of the guys that had just started with him. Nice. I had only told my line manager so no-one in the room knew (this happened a few days before I actually moved over there)

I suppose we have to keep telling ourselves to be strong....and as another wise poster I know said earlier this evening....baby steps

Remember to take it easy. You''re one week into separation?! You don''t have to rebuild your life today. It can wait until at least next week .

Take some time out just for you. For me, this has been a time for me to get to know me again. To get used to being alone and enjoying it. I find it difficult but not nearly as hard as I thought.

Yoga is a good idea as is any activity that you are genuinely interested in. I have just joined a hiking club and will be going on my first group hike Saturday. I love to hike and am really excited about the group. I might make new friends or not. But I will get into the mountains and I LOVE that.

As you move through this I hope that you learn how to put yourself out there. How to be vulnerable and how to connect with others. I am getting much, much better at this and it amazing to me how ready people are to connect with me. I am not talking about dating at all. This is just making friends and going deeper with them.

At work, I have organized a happy hour and we are going out for our second one tonight.

I am doing new things, meeting new people but also remembering to go slow. I do not have to have my "new life" all ready today. This weekend, I have no plans for Saturday night. That''s ok. I''ll just be alone and enjoy it. I am good company and I like hanging out with me .

Take good care of yourself!

Thanks Canuck - wise words. Well done you - sounds like you are making great progress. Its great how on this forum by sharing with others in the same situation we can help each other.

I totally understand where you are coming from. As well as looking to rebuild and find new things to I also have to be happy with "me". Also need to take it one day at a time and not panic about whats going to happen. Looking too far into the future at this stage is just too scary.

Really good advice regarding friendships as well - I could definitely do with building more of those.

This whole thing is scary and hard but the advice and help I find here is making my journey easier.

Two years on from my separation I can honestly say, despite the the initial stress of moving out,getting my own place and negotiating with my ex the complexitites of caring for the children and finances, that I am in a much better place and content with my life.

Initially I was a bit apprehensive about starting out again, and thought I`d be lonely but when I wasn`t out socialising,or out on my bike,or running,or working I found I actually enjoyed the space and the quiet.

I have my 3 children with me 5 nights out of 14 though so its either peace or bedlam,nothing in between!

I did also start CEROC (salsa) classes, which was hilarious to my friends or any one that knew my dancing prowess.

I had the last laugh though,because that was how my girlfriend and I met. It`s a bit scary at first but a great way of meeting people.

Hi Taff,

It was nice chatting with you the other day.

I hope you are better this week. How did your yoga class go? What type of yoga are you doing? I am recently doing hot yoga again after stopping for awhile, exercising is a good and healthy distraction. I clearly have a problem with concentration as I couldn''t do any poses that involve balancing and focus. I am still working on it, and we must certainly try to take care and not look worse than before so that they will not think they were right to leave us behind. And good on you for picking up golf. If you ever play a full game properly, that will certainly take up loads of your time!

Just to share a bit on this topic, other than just exercising (myself to death at times), I also spent more time with close friends. When we are a part of a relationship, there usually isn''t enough time for anything else, so with the sudden new found but unwanted freedom that we now have, we just got to learn how to live like a single person again. I experimented with many things including taking up dance classes and also went out partying more than ever before - too much partying and drinking certainly isn''t good so I have cut down. I went on holidays (alone and with female friends), started reading more books, watching more shows. And I have more time to sleep. Well, I am not quite sleeping properly these days as my mind is all over the place, but at least I know there is time to sleep when I can finally sleep properly again. Sleep does wonders to the skin btw!

When I could finally pick myself up after a long time and could focus at work better, I also put in more time and effort. And thankfully that 2 years of hard work did pay off somewhat.

And this is also the best time for yourself. Be nice to yourself. What is it that you have always wanted to do but never did quite have the chance? It is not an easy thing to rebuild our lives and to heal a broken heart, but we just keep trying. Everyone has their own ways and preferences to do it (some look for love to fill that void), so just do what suits you best but try not to make any hasty decisions. It will be a tough journey no doubt, and you might find yourself taking 1 step forward and 2 steps back at times. There will also be many questions, insecurities and doubts running through your head. We know, we understand, and we will be here for you.

Hope to chat again soon.

All the best.

Thanks for those last two posts Retep69 and Chenyennel , always helps and much appreciated.

I haven`t been to yoga classes yet but golf, both start next week. Am just looking forward to a regular evening out with friends.

Still very tough, week three of living alone. Hubby was always working so not around much so it`s not such a big wrench as it could be I suppose. But that said it`s still incredibly hard not having that person there to share your life with.

With him not being here our relationship had just deteriorated more. He goes to counselling next week as hes such a mess, will be interesting to see what that does to him. Not kidding myself though it would take an awful lot of fixing to sort him out and our relationship and think it`s probably too late now anyway.

We see each other because of the children but don`t seem to be able to communicate on any level. Last time I saw him ended in an argument and him storming off and he was only in the house for a few minutes.Not sure where this leaves us. We do have to sort stuff out about house, finances and children but just want to avoid it all so burying my head in the sand about it all at mo. Also found Shoegirls comment in another post about minimal contact even if you have children helpful. Think maybe need to consider this seriously.

Still hate nigh time. Sleeping better than I was but still wake a lot and often can`t get back to sleep. Eating a bit better too. So I suppose all in all things are improving. But it`s still a horrible place to be. Keep reading posts here though and the ones where others have been here and have got to a better place give me hope.