Has my eldest son gone for good?

No he has not gone for good but he has to find his own path.

Just be there when the door knocks tomorrow, next week, next year or in 20 years time BUT still lay down the ground rules.

This happened to a friend of mine (a mum) a long time ago. Kids came back BUT could not accept that mum would not tolerate disrespect.

They left and contact has been minimal ever since!

All due to one parent putting poison into the mind of a child!

Best wishes.

I unfortunately have all this to come in years to come.

Mark6138 wrote:

I realise it will be years before it comes, if it ever does but I would love to hear from others in similar circumstances.

Hi Mark. Your oldest son''s behavior is odd for someone of 25 years. Usually at 25 we are a lot more mature. His actions seem to be aimed at hurting you. And its working I see.

FWIW. I never saw my stepchildren again. Its been more then 6 years now. I am not surprised that I havent seen them. I brought them up from babies. In effect they were my kids. But they sided with mum and the new dad. It happens. And its something I have had to learn to live with.

But what todo? Its the same in all these situations. You have to be the adult parent. And that means soaking it up and still being dad. And taking it on the chin.

But I wouldnt contact him. Just let him be for now. The best thing for all concerned would be that this was all over. Then you all can start to calm down a bit. It may take him a while to want to talk to you again. But chances are, he will do some growing up over the next few years and will come to the view that you are his dad and that he should have some contact with you. Only time will tell on that one. For that to happen, you shouldnt react to anything he does. To react would validate his feelings and you dont want that.

Someone needs to be to blame. Often we blame by proxy in that we cant blame the person to really is at fault because of some reason or other. You see this a lot. This is why the kids of a family turn against the father. Even though he may be innocent of any wrong doing. This was the situation in my case. There mother had the affair. And somehow I got the blame. The reasons I think for this are as follows:

Its a mistake to think that the kids of a family see any wrong doing by mum as wrong. Often, kids will side with mum or take her position as being the correct one even though they know its wrong. I believe this is because they have come from mum. There is a bond there that cant be broken. And mum cant be wrong can she? So dont take this to heart. But he cant help his feelings toward his mother. He is made this way. And we all are to some extent. Mother is constant. Fathers come and go. But our mothers made us. And you cant get away from that.

But once the divorce is over, all matter will be resolved and the dust can start to settle. But at the moment, the family is being wrenched apart. Everything your sone knew has gone. This is bound to affect him. C.

Thanks all.

My eldest is a very immature 25 year old. He suffers from the same issues that my STBX does, namely poor communication and inter-personal skills. A friend has commented that my STBX may suffer from some high functioning form of Autism in that she has difficulty showing empathy for others. As she we adopted we do not know her family history. As autism is genetic it could be that my son also has it. Only guessing but could explain the extremely odd behaviour.

This must be painfull fr u