Update on this crazy situation!!

Sooooo

STBX has refused to do blood tests and hair strand tests to detect drug abuse so is not allowed overnight contact
Yesterday I went to collect children from contact centre and he hadnt turned up!!
Waited half hour then rang his mum (as he doesn''t have my mobile number cos of abuse and we don''t communicate) she says that he has been allowed overnight by solicitors?!
Call his sister, she says call solicitor, solicitor says call police (drama!!)
Police turn up at his flat and children returned to me very distraught (bastar@)

Last night his mum rang and said she wasn''t talking to her daughter who is protecting me and helping me to stop him from seeing children!

Which part does she not get? Nooooo your son is refusing to stop taking drugs otherwise he would have taken a test, it would be negative and he can have the children every other weekend!!

No you are using the children against him because you are angry with him, you both are responsible for the divorce!

I nearly fell over!! I hung up and burst into years

I am responsible for him constantly texting and emailing and cheating on me throughout our marriage? I am responsible that he refused counselling to save our marriage?
I am responsible that he hasn''t paid the mortgage and refused to get back to CSA so I am taking handouts from my family to keep a roof over our children''s heads and food in the cupboards!!!!!

Arrrgggjhhhhh

There is NO WAY I want to go to hers at Xmas now!
His sister no isn''t speaking to me as she says he has said In my solicitor letter I mentioned she is harassing me?!

I have emailed her all mine and his letters and begged she doesn''t listen to his lies

This is so messy!

Step back Losing Hope. There are too many people involved.

Do not engage with mother, sisters etc. do not send them emails texts, letter etc.

Keep a dignified silence and concentrate on you and the kids.

It is very simple for your ex to understand, no clean drugs test, no contact outside of the contact centre.

Do not be swayed by anything or anybody else.

Take care of yourself and your children xxxxxxx

I feel I have to show them the solicitor letters and texts as he is telling them sooooo many lies

I want to maintain the close relationship I have with his sister and mum even though he is trying to mess it up for the sake of the children

It is good that you are trying to maintain the relationships with his extended family but sometimes it is not possible especially in the short term.

The important relationship to maintain is the relationship that the children have with aunts, uncles and grandparents. Hopefully they will continue to give you support in the way of child care.

I know it is difficult to accept but blood is thicker than water. It is very tempting to try and tell them your side of the story but I''m afraid they will always see things from his point of view.

You have said that he takes drugs so his perception of events may be distorted, he may well be very good at manipulating his family and drug takers are very good liars.

If you feel like you need to involve them come onto Wiki and have a good rant. We are here to support you and folks here understand all too well how frustrating it is trying to keep everyone happy.

He will continue to behave the way he does because he takes drugs, you, however are doing the best you can for the children and acting in their best interests.

Try very hard to keep your cool as what you have described things could easily escalate and the children will always be the ones to suffer ultimately.

Take care xxxx

Spooky is right
Although my stbx cheated and lied they took his side and after 24 years of marriage they do not speak to me.
Don''t worry about them and what they beleive, you know the truth and so does he.
Concentrate on your children they are the most important people in this. Good luck.

Thanks guys

My friends have said to me about the blood thicker than water thing
So I guess I will have Xmas day just me and my babies and not go to their house and then to my family Boxing Day
His mum made it clear last time she came down she was visiting him not me, she hasn''t offered to babysit I have the kids full time, I can''t believe even when I showed her the texts and emails and flight and hotel details of his affair she still says I am to blame
Crazy

My ex in laws said that they felt sorry for me but like Julie they have shut me and the kids out of their lives.

I call it the " ripple effect",there is nothing you can do.

Concentrate on yourself and the children and get your support from your own family.