Relationships with in-laws, nieces & nephews etc

Can any give me any pointers about renegotiating relationships with my STBX''s family - his parents are being fine, but things are very strained with his younger sister. She has always adored him, and sobbed her heart out at our wedding and didn''t speak to me - OK she was only 18 and things did get better after that!
But she has clearly listened to whatever nastiness he told her as a background to him leaving me for another woman, as I''ve had 2 or 3 texts in the 2 months since he left and we met once for a cup of tea and she didn''t seem particularly shocked or upset about it - in fact according to STBX she apparently encouraged him to go with his heart and leave. Her husband is usually a decent man but can barely look me in the eye and hasn''t said a word of sympathy, although he did offer to help look after my boys while I sorted the house for moving. They live nearby so we normally see a lot of them and used to go on holidays with them.
Is it inevitable that things will be strained for awhile and that if / when they realise the truth (and meet OW) may be a bit less hostile, or is it more likely they will take his side and see nothing of me? I am preparing myself for that.
Appreciate any advice...

Sorry Vastra my money is on the latter; blood is thicker than water and him being in the wrong doesn''t come into it. Brace yourself.

In my experience Vastra blood is thicker than water unfortunately. My ex left for OW. Chooses not to see our children plays mind games when he does.
Yet we have lost all of his family completely a few of us live close to each other including my inlaws and they walk passed me and our children in the street.
Children are no longer spoken to by the cousins aunties etc and are not invited to family parties.
My ex inlaws do pop a card through the door for children''s birthdays yet don''t knock the door even when we are in.
After 22+years I am no longer worthy in their eyes to pass the time of day with.
Why is it like this when we used to be so close holidays dinners etc because he has lied to make things easier and fir them to accept OW, but more than anything he is their son and I was only the daughter in law.
My parents are no longer here so I only had them as parent figures and the only grandparents to the children but that don''t count either.

Hope fully you will have a different outcome

X

Mine are exactly the same!! I have known them for nearly 30 years but this counts for nothing. Stbx, ow and their child are very much an item now in their eyes. My children, certainly the youngest, don''t get a look in. No cards from extended family, even his brother hasn''t given the youngest a card or present for 2 years. They say its ok but .....

Blood is definitely thicker than water. Of course, it doesn''t got both ways - my family don''t speak to him!!

OK I will brace myself for the inevitable. You know, I wouldn''t care so much about the sister-in-law, I''ll just remain civil and see if the contact keeps drying up from her. And yes my family and friends would spit on my STBX if they saw him, not one of them will maintain contact.
Just hope I can stay in touch with his mother-in-law...we''ll see.

Tbh it''d be a real shame for the kids if they lost touch with their paternal extended family, esp the grandparents.

But from your point of view it may aid your recovery more if you had no contact with them as they will only remind you of him.

I appreciate you may have been close to them esp your mother in law but that was then this is now. So you have lost more than your husband but all those relationships too.

I was close to ex''s aunt but she hasn''t been in touch since split but I know for a fact she makes an effort with my ex; I hear it from my daughter.

My situation is different; they were really horrible to me so tbh it is more of a relief than a loss. I never have to see or have anything to do with them ever again. The best thing that came out of the divorce!

I just feel for the kids.

Blood is thicker than water. Thats the saying and its largely true. Families support each other and take sides along blood lines. They may not like it and few may admit that the blood relative is in the wrong. But they will largely ignore what he has done.

The ex sister in law may have had a secret hatred for you that may have been based on the view that "no one is good enough for my brother". And this new women may suffer the same fate. Time will tell.

Of course there are exceptions to all rules. Some ex relatives will not want to be seen to be taking sides. Older members of his family may seem this way and be kind to you. But you cant go pointing out the rights and wrongs to them. I doubt they would listen.

So what to do? I reckon you need to put behind you what happened between you and your ex if you want to stay friends with his relatives. But when you divorce someone, you tend to divorce all of them.

I used to be very angry at how I was treated by my ex relatives. Until I realised that all bonds are blood and there is no way of taking that on and winning. Of course I have no contact with them now. I wouldnt know what to say to them if I ever met one of them. I suspect I would blank them as if I didnt know them. Which of course I dont now. C.