Daughter confused and behaviour awful . . . .

Take some sort of perverse satisfaction that the school has not become aware of deteriorating behaviour. She is kicking off at you beause you make her feel safe enough to do so.

As for your ex - well he''s entitled to parent as he sees fit in his time, however much you disagree with it. You probably have to relax a bit and go with the flow. Look on the positive side - in 4 or 5 years time she will either be so bored at rugby matches that she will vote with her feet to stay away or develop a crush on some lithe young rugby player and be happy to gaze upon his person

Mine do the school angel - home devil thing too. I get "he is so polite and lovely!" - this is my youngest who gives me glares, vicious sarcasm and tantrums every day. There''s hugs and kisses too, but it''s still exhausting, and I hate that STBX has just run off to leave me to cope with this fallout, and makes cameo appearances for fun stuff. I wish he would fall ill with some hideous skin disease with millions of festering pustules (STBX not my boys of course)

thanks for all your replies. . .

I have as I mentioned in a dialogue now with school, and we''ve not yet opened this up to my daughter. Funnily enough she came home from school today, and told me she had mentioned something to the teacher and said she was helping me, and asked how I felt because I said I was worried about it (i.e. daughter had mentioned some particular issue surrounding her dad to teacher), which is a step in a good direction. . . I commended her for being able to talk to the teacher (slightly sad she wasnt talking to me !! BUT great that she did).

And we had an hour after school/childminder/work etc at the park/fields, fresh air, bug hunting with sticks and it was such a mood lifter - this weather helps !

Also she isnt due at her dads this weekend and the pattern of her behaviour is pretty much following when she goes and returns/

Vastra1 wrote:

Mine do the school angel - home devil thing too. I get "he is so polite and lovely!" - this is my youngest who gives me glares, vicious sarcasm and tantrums every day. There''s hugs and kisses too, but it''s still exhausting, and I hate that STBX has just run off to leave me to cope with this fallout, and makes cameo appearances for fun stuff. I wish he would fall ill with some hideous skin disease with millions of festering pustules (STBX not my boys of course)

Completely relate to this. In the vry early days, my then STBX left the family home for a week, letting me tell my daughter he was housing sitting for his father (3 miles away!), and following weeks having to make excuses as to why he wasnt around. . . while he was hooking up with his GF and friends and doing a whole lot of pleasing himself !